I have a pantyhose and stocking fetish.

Holy shit, I can’t even make this stuff up.  Today’s online dating exchange is priceless, my friends.  Priceless.  Check this out.

Got this message today.  Remember the last guy who said my smile was killing him?  Well, this guy said that I have a smile that can light up the east coast and lips he could kiss for days.  So, basically, he’s saying that I have a million watt smile and would like to chap the hell out of my lips.  But, the part that peaked my interest was his comment: “I was also wondering if I could talk to you about something personal.”

So, here I’m thinking – he wants to tell me that he has 6 months to live.  Or, he used to be a woman.  Or, he’s married.  So, I emailed him back and asked him about this “something personal.”  And, stupid me, I should have known this would have been his response.

 Oh geez.  Why do I seem to attract the dudes with the weird fetishes?  First, there were the ticklers..and now we have Mr. Stockings.

I can just picture it now.  We’ve been dating for 6 months.  I step out for a minute to get something in the living room, and when I return to my bedroom, he’s rifling and caressing my pantyhose in my lingerie drawer.

“Your dresser was just…uh…um…too tempting to leave alone!” he says, sheepishly.

But, somehow, I don’t dump him yet.  He invites me to his place.  I walk in and stop dead in my tracks.  In front of me is this:

I run screaming from his place.  I should have known.  His online profile photo below…

(Note: Not ACTUAL online dating photo)

 

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