Cage Dancing, Penis Straws, and Cruise Crud: The Aftermath of Singles Cruising

It’s Monday night and I got home from my Singles Cruise adventure on Saturday evening.  I’ve been thinking about this blog post a lot and what I’m will to share with the world (or, at least, to my loyal readers).  No, I’m not talking room hopping or bed hopping or bar hopping.  I’m talking deep emotion.  Oh, who am I kidding?  Let’s start with the bed hopping!

First of all, I would like to report that I did no bed hopping on this cruise.  My butt was firmly placed in my own bed every night (except for that night that I stayed out until 5am playing “Truth or Dare” without the “Dare” and dancing in the cage but I digress).  And to be honest, I’m pretty proud of this.  With all of the bed hopping going on that cruise, I’m kinda proud that I didn’t make the rounds….or the gossip column.

This is not to say that I didn’t meet a lot of eligible bachelors on this cruise.  In fact, I met a lot of really great guys (and girls, because as we all know, I’m very good at picking up chicks).  But, truthfully, this didn’t feel like the type of environment where you could make a real connection with someone.  There was a fairly even distribution of men and women, but many people coupled off early on in the cruise….and while many of them re-coupled and re-coupled, I wasn’t really into anyone’s sloppy seconds….thirds…fourths….

I think my mood may have been a bit tarnished on the very first night of the cruise.  During the introductory cocktail hour, one of my co-cruisers –  a girl we’ll call Kimmy (and no, her name was not changed to protect her identity) – came up to me in a drunken stuper and basically called me “fat” for good ten minutes.  Why didn’t I stop her?  Why did I let her keep going?  I think the main reason is that I was in shock.  I couldn’t believe this woman would have the audacity to sit next to another woman, someone she didn’t even know, and say such hurtful things.  But, also, I let her go on because I knew she couldn’t touch me.  If she had said those things to me 2 years ago, I might have let it ruin my whole cruise, but instead, I brushed it off.  But, looking back now, did I really brush it off?  I’m not so sure because I’m still wondering how anyone could say those things – drunk, sober, or stoned – to a stranger.*

So that was that.  And I met a chiropractor on the cruise.  We had a really nice evening, talking, laughing and ended the night with a soft kiss.  I’m still scratching my head with what went wrong there.  I have ideas, but I’d prefer not to get into them in a public forum.  They are between me, my mom, and my therapist (wink wink).

I mean, who wouldn’t want this hottie?  (Ok, I know what you’re thinking?  Why on earth would she post this?  This photo was probably taken around 3am after many, many vodka & cranberries.).

The reality is that I just had an “ok” time last week on my vacation.  There was just enough shit to piss me off – Kimmy, not working out with doctor guy, and of course, getting the cruise crud.  I can’t spend 24/7 getting wasted and having meaningless sex.  Ok, scratch that!  Of course I can!  But, the reality is, I don’t want to.  It’s easy to get wasted and have meaningless sex.  I prefer the challenge of the wooing, the romance, and the challenge.  Having some old grey-haired guy from England buying me drinks all night is easy (sorry, no pictures of him, but his name was Simon).  Finding a connection with someone isn’t as easy.

Ok, so that IS my straw in the photo above.  I don’t want to give the illusion that I’m completely uptight!

So, I will leave you with these final thoughts:

  • Singles Cruises can be a lot of fun if you’re interested in drinking and hooking up.
  • If you’re the type of person who likes intellectual stimulation on a vacation, you might want to consider Europe versus the Virgin Islands.
  • You can make great friends (especially chicks) on Singles Cruises!
  • You’re probably not going to fall in love on a Singles Cruise.  But you can dream.
  • Dancing in a cage is fun!
  • When a bitch calls you fat, kill her with kindness so she’s feel even worse about it. Then, look in the mirror, and remind yourself that you are beautiful.

* I never confronted Kimmy until a friend said something to her about her rudeness.  She apologized, seemed awfully embarrassed, and I gave her a hug….but the truth is, she hurt me deeply.

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5 thoughts on “Cage Dancing, Penis Straws, and Cruise Crud: The Aftermath of Singles Cruising

  1. You had me at “penis straw”.
    But seriously here, glad you went and survived and danced in a cage.
    WTF is up with ANYONE insulting ANYONE about their appearance, especially a total stranger.
    I am so sorry about that. You didn’t deserve it. Maybe she will think twice about saying such inappropriate and insulting things next time she feels the impulse.
    GOOD FOR YOU for sticking it out and still enjoying yourself.
    LOVE YOU.

  2. okay, I have penis straws (leftover from my bachelorette party). Glad someone else could appreciate their tasteless awesomeness 🙂
    Secondly, what a f*cking bi-otch. seriously! good for you for not letting her ruin your vacation. I would have cried, then hit her in the face. You are so full of awesomeness I can’t stand it.

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