“listen to the girls who are commenting. they are black zen masters.” and other words of wisdom from a Google search

Dear Google,

It’s almost midnight and I’m bored.  I’ve been listening to Howard Stern on sirius and I’ve just flipped the station to the extremely wacky and yet entertaining Dr. Laura.  But it’s not helping me go to sleep.

So, I’ve logged onto you and asked you the question, “Why am I still single at 37?” because I’m curious what answers you have for me.

Here’s your responses:

On yahoo, commenters give the following advice:

“Well, crocheting doesn’t help.”

“your screwed, its too late for you.”

“Mr. Right is out there for you. Just give yourself more time, you are never to old to find love!”

On VH1, we hear from many singles:

On the Plenty of Fish dating forum, a man asks the same question and commenters respond:

“maybe the fact that you are looking for women much younger than you maybe a key issue…”

“here’s the thing – you’re 5’5″ – that doesn’t work for many girls.”

“listen to the girls who are commenting.  they are black zen masters.”

“I didn’t respond to your post because I didn’t want to trash talk you.”

“Time for some tough love: you are 5’5″, you are unemployed, you live with your parents, and you have a learning disability…have you even had sex?….You got a lot going against you.”

Google, you then recommend a book to me called “If I am so wonderful, then when I am I still single?”  Ironically, my friend Emily has already recommended this book to me.

Moving on….

Next, you send me to a website called “Happy News.”

I like that sound of that so I click on the link and it highlights the following things may be cause of my singledom: “Divorce, Finding the Wrong Partner, Self-Esteem, Past Trauma, Lack of Social Environments, and Changing Priorities.”

And, then, you send me on a journey to The Safehouse forum, where we learn, when a 20-something man asks why he is still single, commenters respond:
“To be honest,  you already know the answer to your issue and stated as much in your post. Being a gamer is one thing, being a stereotypical gamer lowers your chances drastically.”
“The glasses are bad man..take a hard look at anyone who says otherwise, I would bet money their fashion sense is seriously in question.”
“Also, is that growth on your chin? I’d either shave it or commit to something more…right now all it does is add shadows to your chin that makes them look bigger.”
It is now 12:08am and I must go to sleep.  So I’ll skip click the “next” button to see what other nuggets of wisdom you have to share with me.
But I want to thank you, Google, for teaching me some key things tonight on my journey towards finding love.
1. Skip the crocheting.
2. Apparently, some men think that some women are black zen masters.
3. Gaming can be an hindrance on one’s love life.
4. Shave
Nighty night!
Love, Me

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