Tinder & the Empress Nympho

Do you remember that awesome scene in Mel Brook’s ground-breaking film, History of the World Part One, where Empress Nympho (played by the late, great Madeline Kahn) is picking her escorts for the evening (for the midnight orgy, as a matter of fact)?  Each soldier marches into the palace and stands in a straight line in front of her, as she prepares to choose her men.  Suddenly, the camera pans down and we see that the men aren’t wearing any pants.  The Empress turns to her assistant and says, “Very nice selection.”  She then proceeds to point at each man and chooses which companions will accompany her at the orgy:  Yes, No, No, No, No, Yes, No, No, etc.  For shits and giggles or if you were born after 1975, you must watch this classic scene:

My point?  I find a direct correlation between Empress Nympho’s orgy selection and the popular online dating app, Tinder.

I mean, you’re basically doing the same thing.

You look at a bunch of photos of people and decide, based upon appearance, whether you’d like to hook up with them or not.  You’re not choosing based upon penis size, per se, but you might as well be.

I find Tinder to be highly addictive.  You can be anywhere  – on the train, waiting at a red light, sitting in your office, sitting on the toilet – and try to find your Tinder matches.  Have you noticed that when you sign on and you click the “check” mark on the first or second of your new matches, they tend to be a match.  It’s a neat little trick I’ve learned with Tinder, so it’s a chance to get an instant gratification.

Oooh he likes me!

Have you met any of your orgy…..ahem, I mean….Tinder matches?  I haven’t.  The first match I communicated with asked if I wanted to see his thick hard….you get the message.  I quickly blocked him.  The next guy was adorable.  And was from DC.  Next.

The latest guy sent me a link to his Facebook profile.  He did not go to college and he mentions that he has a webcam & camera.  Um, hello, you’ve just won the 2002 Creep of the Year trophy.

But I can’t stop.  I keep looking and looking.  I’ve even matched up with two of my guys friends!  I know it won’t go anywhere but I just want to keep clicking and looking and hoping he’ll pick me too.  It’s highly addictive.

So, while I won’t be heading off for my orgy of soldiers tonight like the Empress Nympho, I am still going to cuddle up with my iPhone and Tinder app.  Nighty, night boys!

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3 thoughts on “Tinder & the Empress Nympho

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