This is anxiety

It’s 3:15am & I’m wide awake with a head full of remorse. I’m regretting something I said earlier in the day. It was none of my business. Now, rational me tells me to let it go, it’s done. Learn and move on. But anxious me can’t. I’m gripping it with my brain and stressors.

I’m writing about it in the hopes this helps. I can’t figure how to disconnect comments on this post, so I’m asking – please don’t. I just need to vent.

Do you have anxiety too? You can imagine this moment, right? Heart pounding, pulse racing, the swirl of wind in your ears. Tossing & turning in bed as you ruminate over and over about your regrets.

It’s brutal. I can use my CBT skills to calm it down or take a pill, but then I may not make it to my 9am meeting. So I opt to wait it out.

This is anxiety. I will go listen to a podcast to distract my thoughts.

Had to take my medication. Couldn’t stop this attack on my own. When my anxiety gets to the point where I can’t talk myself down, I take medication that will kick in & lull my thoughts. Can you believe I’m live documenting this? Even within the moment, I understand the importance of documenting my journey so that I can go back & read about a heightened moment & hopefully know it will get better. But in this moment, it’s unbearable.

Not sure what else to say. Waiting for that lull. In the meanwhile, brushed my teeth (again) and listened to a podcast. Those usually calm me down. It’s quiet outside – peaceful – but I still feel the ringing in my ears.

You are experiencing me with anxiety. I’ve been dealing with it, that I can recall, since I was 24, but maybe even sooner. Still waiting for the lull.

ah, the lull. The moment my medication kicks in. My thoughts start to calm now. I can focus on rational thoughts again.

I have just taken you with me during a raw moment – a panic attack. If this stirs up anything in you, I apologize.

Again, no comments, please ❤️

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