Swirling Thoughts 6/2/20

The world is literally on fire. From coast to coast, there are peaceful protests, riots, and fires burning in response to the injustice of the brutal murder of George Floyd. But we know it is more than that. As all of us were tinkering on the edge of anxiety from being cooped up in our homes, watching small businesses close, an unprecedented unemployment percentage, this was the nail in the coffin for so many Americans – people of color, the under served, and frankly, anyone with a feeling heart.

I have so many mixed feelings – but likely guilt is the largest because I am having a hard time not focusing on my own issues right now. Between getting adjusted to a new job, worrying about mom’s health, trying to sort through being a part-time (pseudo) parent for the boys, and trying to stay healthy, it’s hard to put myself in the shoes of George Floyd’s family, who clearly have so much on their plate. I’m thinking of the police – those of the good ones who are standing with the protesters, and the looters, who are stealing from the small businesses who are struggling to stay open post-Covid, and of course, I am thinking of the centuries of persecution & injustice in this country towards minorities and people of color who, frankly, are no different than me. We’re all humans. I keep seeing Caucasian friends writing about their “white privilege” on social media and it just feels wrong. Or, writing that posting nothing on social media means your complacent. That’s silly. Of course I’m angry and frustrated. I just don’t need to publicize it. I have this as a forum for my thoughts, and if someone wants to know them, they can seek them out. I don’t necessarily feel that posting a black square on my Instagram account is making a difference. It feels passive. What I’m going to do is raise money for the hospital system that I work for – that serves a large population of those protesting these days – and help keep access to quality healthcare as accessible as possible. It just all feels a bit overwhelming so I am going to focus on what I can control and where I have the loudest voice and biggest impact.

I’m getting tested later today for Covid-19, which is top of mind today. I want to go visit my parents and while I have no symptoms, I want to make sure I’m not a carrier or someone who may spread it to those who are more vulnerable. Not looking forward to get a large swab shoved up my nose, but c’est la vie.

Anyhow, those are this morning’s thoughts, which could change by this afternoon!


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