There are lots of wonderful changes happening in my life. Ted and I are working with a jewelry designer on a ring, we’re looking at purchasing a house together, and in short, we are merging our individual lives into a family. As my dad would say, it really is a beautiful thing. I have a great, meaningful job. Mom’s health is in check. Overall, things are good.
But there is this underneath malaise. My muscles are tied in knots, I am eating more sugar than I have in years, I wake up at 2am and 4 am every night, and apparently, I have cracked several teeth during the night from teeth grinding, causing potential future issues. So, why am I reacting this way to all that happiness? Well, there’s Covid. And the election. And while I am thrilled at my new life, it means saying goodbye to much of my current life, including my home and solace. I’ve been living alone my entire adult life. In 2019, I added plants that remained alive, and then I added Nermal the cat into the mix. Phew, all still alive! Now I’m adding in husband and stepsons, plus new home, new routines, new commute, a lot of newness all at once. It feels exciting and scary all at once.
It’s natural to feel this way, and trust me, I have zero interest in changing anything (except maybe the whole Covid thing, the mom illness thing, and the Trump thing) but in terms of my own life, I like the direction it is headed. But it is a lot to process and I’m seeing some reverting to bad old habits, like overeating and overspending. I want to nip those things quickly. So I reached out to my longtime therapist today and asked if we can meeting weekly for a while. I am aware enough to catch things before they escalate. Her compassion and encouragement to take care of myself really helps. There’s no judgement, but rather, she points out patterns, trends, and is quick to remind me to be kind to myself. I need that right now.
So I’m writing this to get out my thoughts but also knowing that my many subscribers will also be reading this. It’s ok to ask for help.