The exhaustion has kicked in. We’re still waking up in the middle of the night as I imagine both of our brains are still going, going, going. My muscles feel like they’re still moving when I lay down to sleep. My leg muscles are hard as a rock likely from stress and sitting all day working. They tremble like I’m walking, but I am laying down. It’s such a weird feeling to not be able to stop thinking or moving. I know it is temporary, though, which helps. Once we get through the next few weeks, things should settle in a bit. We’ll move out of our condo and into our apartment. See, I said “our.” Working on the whole “our” “we” thing.
I will be working from home through July, so it’s helpful to be able to throw in a load of laundry or clean out the dishwasher on a break. TBH, the condo is a hot mess right now, as we are using it as a place to air out some of Ted’s books and I’m also in the middle of packing it up. The mortgage contingency is tomorrow so that is a BIG day. My attorney hasn’t alerted me to any concerns so I am very hopeful my condo sale will go through and we will close on April 5th. Moving day is April 3rd.
When I was in NJ, mom made a comment about my life being an “open book.” I’ve been writing journals and diaries off and on since 3rd grade when my dad bought me a Cabbage Patch Kid journal on a business trip. I still have all of my journals, including my semester in Rome and year in London when I made a commitment to write every single day. Those were private books and private thoughts, though I have read some of them aloud to various people over the years. About 10 or so years ago, I started writing the older version of this blog, SingleSassy.com, which then became Gratitudeis.net, and finally, it’s current iteration which I felt encompassed all aspects of my life.
When mom was diagnosed with cancer nearly 3 years ago, I encouraged family and friends to read this blog for updates as responding to all of the emails, texts, and FB posts was getting exhausting (seeing a trend here!). Many of you subscribed, and 3 years later, you’re still reading. As a result, many of our friends and family are still following along on my journey. I’m flattered that you care enough or are interested enough in reading after all of this time. Writing is my catharsis, and clearly, has been since I was 8 or 9 years old. But now I grapple with the whole public/private thing. I look at it this way – this is my place to share my thoughts, fears, desires, hopes, and plans. I have carte blanche to write whatever I want about myself. When I am writing about others, I try to be responsible and respectful. If it is something really personal, I ask permission first.
My point is that my intention is not to overshare or be an “open book,” but rather, this serves as my diary or a tracking of my life. Someday, I want to write a book. I have a lot of things to say (clearly) and now I have a record of my thoughts.
I actually do not want to overshare. There is usually a reason I write what I write here or on social media. I don’t write haphazardly. For example, I posted an article on Facebook about Ted’s fire simply so his friends (and mine) would know. It wasn’t meant to exploit or seek attention. It was merely informational.
Anyhow, time to get back to work!