I’ve been toiling with a blogging dilemma. 93 people are following my updates, many who know me personally and/or professionally. I love that – don’t get me wrong – but when I need a cathartic writing experience, I’ve been hesitating to post things here because I don’t want to offend or overshare or whatever else I might get called out on. As a result, I don’t have a place to write these days that feels comfortable. I’ve been toying with starting a new anonymous blog or a password protected space, but for now, I’m writing here now but with one change – I’ve removed the comments section. It isn’t that I don’t want to hear from you but I prefer that to be a private exchange between me and my reader. There is a place to send me emails on the contact page.
Ok, now that the “business” is taken care of, here is an update on life.
It’s 4/21/21 today. On April 5th, we closed on the sale of my condo, and by then, Ted and I had moved into a temporary 2 bedroom apartment in the south shore area of MA. The kids are technically with us 50% of the time, though we have had them for 2 weeks now to take on some of the time that they were with their mom as a result of the fire at Ted’s previous home. I’m not going to sugar coat it – it is really hard. Not only are Ted and I adjusting to living together, but I’m now adjusting to being a future step parent and living with 2 12-year-olds who have a tremendous amount of anxiety. I have refrained from writing about this for privacy but I’m really struggling and need a place to work out my thoughts beyond therapy. I have reached out to a few group therapy locations to supplement my individual therapy, but I haven’t found anything. If you know of any virtual groups, please write to me privately with suggestions.
When I am dealing with an overabundance of stress, my body reacts physically. I experience terrible headaches, muscle tension, and hair loss. So far, I have gotten a steroid injection to assist with some hair loss, and Ted found a great hair catcher for our shower, but I think I need to focus on more vitamins and figure out how to help prevent this.
I haven’t slept through the night in weeks, months, years? I depend on high levels of caffeine to get through the days, and as a result, I crash hard by 4pm. Or, I’m hyped up on coffee and can’t sleep. My mind ruminates, and I find myself consoling myself with snacks or time with the cat.
Don’t get me wrong – I’ve accomplished some amazing things during this time – like, I paid off all of my debt. All of it. My credit score jumped way up; I feel a huge sense of pride and relief to have achieved this milestone at the age of 46. Soon, my debt will increase when we buy a new car and house, but I will be able to keep those expenses at a minimum & within my budget.
I promised myself one splurge with my home sale earnings so last evening, my friend and I went to the Louis Vuitton store in Boston, and I purchased a gorgeous oversized handbag to use for work, travel, you name it. It’s still wrapped up in the box, as I’m debating if I want to do a video on my YouTube Channel. Meanwhile, I can’t wait to start using this wearable art!
I want to assure everyone (and Ted, who reads this) that I have no doubts about my relationship with Ted. He is my future. I am namely stressed about living with the kids, and it’s not the kids either. I truly believe I would be adjust to any kids. These two kids are good boys but they need more support, and we’re working on it. I just have to make sure I create support for myself concurrently.
There are a lot of other stressors but I’ll save those for another time.