all roads lead to home

I bought a train ticket to go home tomorrow for a few days. Mom seems to be stable – very weak – but stable, so I feel comfortable going home for a few days. Her birthday is Monday, so I’ll return Sunday night. It is likely the last birthday we’ll spend together so I want to be here for it. While I’m gone, my brother will hold down the fort with my dad. I told myself that should anything happen while I’m gone, I should not have regrets. But it’s hard.

My therapist reinforced that I must recharge this weekend. I am a bit concerned that the kids will attempt to absorb my last bit of strength so I will need to have a chat with them about it. I think the thing that put me over the edge about going home was the photo I received from Ted last night of our dining room table split in half! Yes, the table we’ve been using for pretty much all meals, my work until I get my office set up, you name it – broke in half! Fortunately, we have his old table in the basement so that’ll serve as a temporary placeholder until we order a new one.

I compared my life balance to a pendulum. When I came to NJ, it swung towards caring for my parents. Now, it is swinging more the other way and I must tend to those needs so it somehow lands in the center….somehow….yet will it ever be centered? Again, think Sandwich Generation!

Again, thank goodness for remote work. While on the train tomorrow, I will have 3 meetings. In fact. one was just moved to it will be taking place while I am on the platform waiting for the train. Should prove interesting!

While I’m home, I will be very focused on self care and being with my family so I will zip in and out without much fanfare. And then late Sunday night, I’ll return to NJ. Honestly, the texts, phone calls, messages, etc have subsided, and that has really been helpful to me. Lots of beautiful emails and videos came in, and I was asked to share with mom. And I did, but reading them and what not was taking its toll on me. I had to go through the emotions with her every time. So, it’ll be good to have a break from that.

We got a beautiful letter from the Executive VP of American Cancer Society. It made me so proud. It spoke of all of her accomplishments and achievements over the past 40 years as a volunteer leader with them. We know we have so much more work to be done with cancer treatment and research, as she’s lying there fighting off ovarian cancer. But I remember a time where she was working on helping eliminate the sale of cigarettes to underage smokers at places like CVS and Walgreens. Now you can’t even buy them in CVS so I truly believe she has helped make a difference.

I was up this morning to give a presentation at 7:30am! So now I’m pooped. Ciao for now.

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