10/3/21

It’s Sunday night around 7:30pm. I’m sitting with mom, listening to sleep, after a quick reminiscence of the Clift Collection in Manchester, VT. It was her favorite clothing shop. There was one in Wellesley, MA, where mom was planning to move, and she asked me if was still open. “No, I said, it closed.” We agreed it was a great shop.

We’re pursuing additional daytime care as she weakens. This weekend was especially tough. I slept for hours yesterday. I was so wiped out. I think we’re all deteriorating a bit over here. I miss Ted, the cats, the kids. But I’m where I need to be.

I feel like I’m a broken record. I have nothing else to write about, but this is life right now. I’m getting a glimpse into human nature – who rises & who disappoints – when you’re in crisis mode. But I know others have their own stuff to deal with, and I try to be gentle and nonjudgmental. I am grateful to the friends & family who have supported dad & I through this – dinners, cakes, cards, calls – many of you who read this, so I thank you. It is so important to focus on what fills you up rather than the small things that deplete you.

I went to the supermarket today and was carrying a huge package of incontinence stuff. I kept thinking about when I was a teenager and everything embarrassed me. I wouldn’t be seen walking into the movies with my family. I wouldn’t dare buy my own feminine protection with hiding it under piles of other items in the shopping cart. And here I am, buying a giant package of these glaringly obvious Poise pads. I did not give a crap what people thought. I’ve realized I’ve stopped caring what other people think, especially strangers.

Anyhow, those are tonight’s thoughts. I need to get myself back to the ocean this week. That’s my goal.