10/18/21

I’m back home in Boston, working from my dining room table. My home office is buried with piles of suitcases and clothes. I had a serious amount of clothes accruing at my parent’s place in NJ, so I cleaned out most of it and brought it home. It felt in some ways that I had moved in there, and I want to try to feel more connected to my house. I still don’t feel connected to it somehow. I feel like a visitor who comes back for a few days here & there. It’s tough. Ted is trying to help me with that. I think when we hang our paintings on the walls that will help.

I saw every hour on the clock last night, partially because I was ruminating but more so it was because my “toddler” kitten, Louie, was snuggling with me. That part was so sweet, but there were times when he’d think I was his Mama, and he’d bury his claws into my skin like he’d do with a mama cat – except I’m a human with soft skin! The cats are a true sense of comfort, though.

Ted cooked me a beautiful dinner last night – steak on the grill with root veggies, and an amazing apple crisp with homemade whipped cream. I told him my mom would like the whipped cream, as she used to comment when we’d go out to eat on whether the whipped cream was “real” or “from a can.” Fortunately, I benefit from Ted’s cooking skills!

I saw the kids briefly this morning before school. They were so excited for their Hamilton Playbills and t-shirts. J changed his shirt before he ran off to the bus. I left them a bunch of goodies on their beds, including other fun shirts and comics from “Silent Bob and Jay’s Secret Stash” in Red Bank, which is Kevin Smith’s flagship store. It’s a fun place to wander.

The report from NJ this morning is that Mom is on a morphine routine now, and while it doesn’t stop her stomach episodes, it is helping her be more comfortable. It is quite agonizing to see her suffering. She is rarely lucid now, so our conversations with her have mostly ceased. I did get a chance to tell her I saw Hamilton. I asked her how she was feeling, and she said, “like complete shit.” That’s my mom for ya.

Ok, must get back to work.