10/25/21

I have started and stopped about 3 posts in last 24 hours but I’ve been caring for mom, and they get interrupted. She’s asleep now after a very agitated morning.

This is truly the hardest thing we’ve gone through. Through some miracle, she is still with us. She is sometimes calm, sometimes vocal. Last night she screamed, “come in!!” like she heard the doorbell. Shouted it for a second time. And then the phone rang, and she said, “jo, would you get that?” Incredibly surreal.

I brought my work computer in here but I can’t focus on it nor have time to do it. I’ve been composing a message to HR in my head about the need for supports for staff during a time like this. Thank goodness for my boss who has been truly terrific to me.

I glanced at Facebook and everything on there feels so insignificant right now.

Just gave mom her morphine. And put some concoction on her wrist to help her rest.

Spending this time with her is agonizing, grueling, yet also beautiful. We all agree it will take us a long time to recover from this experience. We’re forever changed.

Dad just came by. He is wearing this funny little fluorescent hunting (?) hat – fyi he doesn’t hunt – but it looks nice & cozy. Ted left behind his hoodie for me which I’ve been snuggling up in to feel close to him.

I know everyone is thinking of mom & praying for her. I’m sure I’ll come out of this with lessons learned but I’m too exhausted to think of them now. It’s too hard to talk on phone & make small talk right now. As I say to Ted: no superfluous information. 😊 I’m excited to get my life back soon.