12/28/21

We’re in the midst of the “holiday season” with three more holidays to go – New Year’s, Christmas with Ted’s family, and wrapping up with Ted’s birthday on 1/4/22.

Today my depression – or the big “D” as I call it – reared it’s ugly head. I couldn’t get up from the couch. I tried, I really did. I even worked from it. I took breaks & watched Selling Sunset on Netflix which may be the most vapid show to be created since the Real Housewives franchises. Yet I still watched it.

I received a wonderful letter in the mail today from a longtime family friend and it really touched my heart. Thank you. I’ll respond to her privately but it was just what I needed today.

My dad is hanging in. He had his first dentist appointment in MA today, and is learning what’s east (Boston) and what’s west (Framingham). My brother is east, and I live south. Boom, that’s all he needs to know.

Ted and I have a 4-day “mini moon” scheduled soon to the Bahamas. However, 1,500 flights are being cancelled daily due to COVID & staff shortages, so who knows if we’ll make it? Honestly, it’s a lot of work for 4 days between COVID tests and vax cards but I’m determined to make it happen. The thought of dipping my toes in the sand and swimming up to a pool bar with my hubby makes it all worth the effort.

The kids are with their mom this week so our house is quiet, unless you count our cats, Nermal and Louie, chasing each other, or as Ted says, galumphing about.

It’s been 2 months – today – since mom died. My mom died. No matter how often I write it or say it, I still can’t believe it. Is she seriously gone? I won’t ever see her again? She’s been coming to me in my dreams. She’s still alive but I can’t make out her face. I just can’t come to terms with her being gone. It’s still too painful. My friends have suggested I try speaking to her or writing to her, but I’m not ready for a one-sided conversation with her right now.

I’m not going to sugarcoat it – this is a very tough patch of life that I’m living in. I’m trying to be very mindful of overpromising & underdelivering because I’m drowning in my own sadness. The sense of loss is, at times, overwhelming.

And just now. I can hear my sweet Louie – aka Boo Boo – with his baby meow in the kitchen as Ted begins to build our new IKEA desk for the kitchen. He will no doubt watch him lovingly, hoping for a treat (or two) and a scratch on the head. His needs are so simple.

Ok, I’m off to watch something vapid or about true crime. Whatever works to take my mind off things for a few moments. 💕

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