Solitude & recharged

I’m sitting in our sunroom, which previously had served as Ted’s office while he had Covid, but he has returned to work today, so I’m taking advantage of all it has to offer. First, there aren’t piles of laundry in there that need to be put away (yes, they’re all mine). And the room is wall to wall windows, so it makes for a perfect oasis for someone who gets season affective disorder (yes, I take plenty of vitamin D). Our two cats love it in here because it can get nice and toasty in a drafty old house, and it has lots of windows for them to gaze upon the neighborhood.

After my meltdown last week, all 3 of the men in my life – ted and the twins – were diagnosed with Covid, so we decided it was best if I took refuge elsewhere until they tested negative and/or were no longer contagious. I had been sleeping on the couch – or not sleeping, I should say – and my neck was throbbing from the lack of support. And I could not get away. I spent a few days at a local hotel and it was the best medicine for me. I was able to sleep as much as I needed – no disturbances unless you count the loud hotel guests – and I watched mindless Netflix. I even skipped a shower. It was lovely. I returned home on Sunday and resumed my role as wife and stepmother. I was able to take Monday and Tuesday off from work using “covid emergency time” which was a terrific option. I even read a book….finished it in one day. It was also lovely. I sat in the sunroom with Ted, and it was nice to just be with him.

I need to recharge alone. I’ve been this way for years. And going from living alone for nearly 30 years to being in a house of husband, kids, and cats is jarring for my former life of solitude. Every few weeks/months, I need to recharge alone. And I couldn’t do it. One of the kids can’t understand “Do not disturb” or “Do not knock.” He just has a compulsion to knock or disturb. So, I am forced to lock the door, which isn’t my favorite option. Everyone keeps telling me to enjoy this time with the kids, that soon they will not want to have anything to do with us, and I’m not complaining about the love and affection from them. They’re wonderful children. But, my nature is to need to recharge alone. So I’m working on it. I told Ted I may need to do the hotel thing again once in a while.

Did you watch Sex and the City? Remember when Carrie and Mr. Big eventually married, but she kept her apartment? It was so she had a place to go and write, catch up on sleep, reflect. I can relate to that need. No, I do not plan to get my own apartment, but you get the concept. I think I need to find the right balance, whether it is plan a night or two away as needed, or plan an annual getaway for me, myself, and I. It is completely separate from my relationship with Ted, who I never feel like I need to get “away” from – it’s more like I need a break from the bills, dishes, dirt, and all that accompanies that.

It’s like the game “whac-a-mole.” You knock down one issue and another pops up right away. Eventually, I just can’t knock them all down and I lose myself in the flurry of stuff to get done. Every time Ted and I try to get a routine going, something pops up and interferes, my dad can’t find my mom’s will and now we have to go to court to probate it, the family gets Covid, we can’t go on our honeymoon (again) and I have to fight to get our money back (finally got it after a public shaming on Twitter), my job gets more demanding, I’m trying to get myself ready for my MBA program.

It’s an endless flurry of stuff.

But, I’ll come out on the other side ok with two feet firmly on the ground, like I always do.

How you doin'?

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