All the news from 6/15/20

Launched @JoannaAfter40 Facebook group today. If you’d like to join, just let me know and I can add you. Just a place for silliness & fun with fashion, makeup, and anything else under the sun. It’s also an excuse for me to justify all of my online purchases! 🤔

In other news, mom started chemo again. I hope she doesn’t mind me writing it here. Like she says, ovarian cancer is like a chronic illness. It can return and you just keep knocking it down with chemo. This one is monthly, so fewer side effects and that is a good thing, especially with covid. I was there last week & can say that I think my folks are in a good place. #optimism

And I’m loving my new job! It’s so great to be at a place where I feel appreciated. My new colleagues are cool and I like my new boss very much. I’m able to save a lot more now for retirement and invest in things, like a great new home office. Of course, the hospital I work for is terrific and serves a great need in Boston. I feel like all of my hard work is finally paying off!

Then there’s the love of my life, Ted. I don’t write a lot about him on social media and stuff because he’s a private person. However, I will just say that my love for him grows more & more every day! ❤️

Fashion, Makeup, Accessories, and More!

Welcome to my new endeavor called @JoannaAfter40, where I review stuff, like clothing, shoes, bags, jewelry, makeup, skincare, and more. The skies the limit!

My modus operandi (m.o.) is to be kind and compassionate, but honest so you can trust that if I provide a review, it is an authentic opinion, whether the brand provided the product to me or not. I will make sure you know how I received a product or item – whether I purchased it myself or received it complimentary to review – so you can assess from there. You can find these reviews either in “All Posts” or simply click on “Posts by Topic” and then choose the link for “@JoannaAfter40.”

Would you like me to review a specific product? Do you have a brand or store you’d like me to feature? Please reach out on the Contact page and we can discuss!

More to follow!

Tuckered Out

Anyone else just feel pure exhaustion by the end of the day these days? It’s amazing how sitting at home all day – alone – in front of your computer can wipe you out? Granted, I’m in the middle of many conversations throughout the day, whether it is on social media, starleaf (my new job’s version of zoom), zoom in the evening with friends/family, facetime, email, face-to-face with neighbors through our windows. You see, we’re so not alone! We’re actively working, doing, thinking, writing, creating, and mostly, feeling.

And when I briefly check on Boston.com or NY Times online – or the news – it is march after march, protest after protest for George Floyd, for #blacklivesmatter. I support it. I support the way we all need to stick together. I certainly do not want anyone treated differently or unfairly or unjust simply because of their skin color. Don’t get me wrong.

But I’m drained. I’m worried about my mom’s health. I’m worried about my dad’s health as he cares for her. I feel guilty for not marching, for not fighting the cause because I’m consumed with my own needs. I’m consoling the kids when they freak out because I got a Covid-19 test so I can visit my folks. I hate how I’m so incredibly consumed in my own shit that I can’t worry about mankind. It just makes me feel selfish. How do I absolve myself from this? The truth is, I can’t. But I do know that I’m raising money for a hospital (as I said yesterday) and we’re serving a large population of people who can’t afford big hospital bills. Today I learned that we’re working on a food donation because our patients are hungry. So that’s where I’m focused. I’m not marching or protesting but I hope I’m helping in the way I can.

I don’t even know who to ask if I am doing enough. It never feels like enough. Do I make a donation? Do I make a sign? I don’t want to stay silent, but what do I do? It’s a rhetorical question, but one that’s top of mine.

Swirling Thoughts 6/2/20

The world is literally on fire. From coast to coast, there are peaceful protests, riots, and fires burning in response to the injustice of the brutal murder of George Floyd. But we know it is more than that. As all of us were tinkering on the edge of anxiety from being cooped up in our homes, watching small businesses close, an unprecedented unemployment percentage, this was the nail in the coffin for so many Americans – people of color, the under served, and frankly, anyone with a feeling heart.

I have so many mixed feelings – but likely guilt is the largest because I am having a hard time not focusing on my own issues right now. Between getting adjusted to a new job, worrying about mom’s health, trying to sort through being a part-time (pseudo) parent for the boys, and trying to stay healthy, it’s hard to put myself in the shoes of George Floyd’s family, who clearly have so much on their plate. I’m thinking of the police – those of the good ones who are standing with the protesters, and the looters, who are stealing from the small businesses who are struggling to stay open post-Covid, and of course, I am thinking of the centuries of persecution & injustice in this country towards minorities and people of color who, frankly, are no different than me. We’re all humans. I keep seeing Caucasian friends writing about their “white privilege” on social media and it just feels wrong. Or, writing that posting nothing on social media means your complacent. That’s silly. Of course I’m angry and frustrated. I just don’t need to publicize it. I have this as a forum for my thoughts, and if someone wants to know them, they can seek them out. I don’t necessarily feel that posting a black square on my Instagram account is making a difference. It feels passive. What I’m going to do is raise money for the hospital system that I work for – that serves a large population of those protesting these days – and help keep access to quality healthcare as accessible as possible. It just all feels a bit overwhelming so I am going to focus on what I can control and where I have the loudest voice and biggest impact.

I’m getting tested later today for Covid-19, which is top of mind today. I want to go visit my parents and while I have no symptoms, I want to make sure I’m not a carrier or someone who may spread it to those who are more vulnerable. Not looking forward to get a large swab shoved up my nose, but c’est la vie.

Anyhow, those are this morning’s thoughts, which could change by this afternoon!

What’s good, ok, and kinda ugly these days in the world

We’ll start with the good:

New job: I like it!

Life with Ted: he’s a keeper.

Ted’s kiddos: getting to know the twins more & more, understanding how their brains tick, and I enjoy their company.

My apartment: Ted helped me set up a super cute home office. I’m decluttering, selling clothes to ThredUP & Poshmark. My cleaners return this week.

My kitty Nermal

The Ok:

My Parental units: Mom hasn’t been feeling well so that’s top of mind. I’m trying to get rested for covid so I can visit my folks.

Covid: listen, we all know it sucks. We’re trying to get our lives back. But what about the 100k people who lost theirs to this terrible coronavirus? Can’t quite wrap my brain around it.

The Ugly:

George Floyd: George was a man who was brutally murdered by at least one police officer who suffocated him. It appears that if George broke the law, it was by passing counterfeit money. Definitely not worth losing your life over something like that. There are riots happening in most of the major cities around the United States, focused on black lives matter. I’ve never been a big protester type, but I fully support peaceful protests to get a point across that this brutal murder that should never of happened.

This is another thing I have such a hard time wrapping my brain around. No one, especially an innocent African American man, should ever lose their life in such a terrible manner. Plain and simple. Something’s got to change. A young person of color should never have to worry about being around a police officer because they’re afraid that their life might be in jeopardy. The only thing that I can personally compare something like this to is the Jews ultimately perishing in the Holocaust.

First Day

Just wanted to share a little bit about my first day of work. It was definitely not your typical type of on boarding, as there were only four people in the office, but it went well. I definitely feel gratitude for my last job as it definitely helped prepare me for this job. We are using the same database and a similar system for tracking project management. My boss was very gracious, and I feel very valued, which I didn’t always feel at my last job.

I am very happy to be back in the working world. I am not taking this for granted, as I know so many people are out of work right now. I feel as though someone has been looking out for me. But I will say that I’m exhausted! After sitting on my butt for months, it will take an adjustment to get back to working full time!

Big Week Ahead!

I start my new job tomorrow! Pretty excited, despite the crazy times out there. And on Wednesday, Ted & I celebrate our 2-year anniversary. Today, we discussed that during these 2 years, lots has happened in our lives: he got divorced, I had gastric sleeve surgery, mom was diagnosed with & beat cancer, and his dad had a (mild) stroke. We’ve conquered these things together. I can’t wait to see what the next umpteen years bring!

Thunk: An Ode to Nermal

I woke up this morning to this sight (and pretty much every morning these days):

Nermal the Cat

My cat Nermal makes this “thunk” sound as she hops from my bed to her favorite perch in my bedroom, the right corner of my long dresser that offers her full access to my window overlooking my suburban landscape.

If you’ve been following along, you know that I took over care of this feisty feline last July when my boyfriend Ted moved into his cat-free abode. When she first moved in, I was concerned about how the heck I would care for her but by now, just shy of a year later, I’m smitten.

I should say “we’re smitten.” There’s a definite love affair going on between me & Nerms. She hates it when I hug her or hold her, but if I’m out of her sight for 5 minutes, I can hear her waddling along to my destination. Yep, she follows me to the bathroom. She sleeps on my bed. She naps with me on the couch. And when I get out of the shower, my great protector is waiting for me outside the door. Sometimes I expect her to hand me my towel.

Ok, so I’m the keeper of her food, so I have the upper hand. But the joy she provides to me is unprecedented. I really have never known what is like to have a pet unless you count Katie, my trusty tadpole. Or, those poor goldfish you’d get year after year at the Purim Carnival. Sadly they barely even made it home in those rubber banded plastic baggies.

Nermal can be mean. She tries to escape every time I take out the trash. She scratched me the other night for changing the sheets on my bed. But, when she’s behaving, she’s so loving. I wouldn’t trade her for anything!

Feeling Gratitude amongst the Furloughs & Layoffs

I knew it would be a hard night. This morning, I woke up to a text from my former assistant that she was laid off due to COVID-19. And, later this evening, I learned that 16 others were laid off from my last place of employment. Many of them are people I consider friends. I have this aching in my heart, a pit in my stomach thinking about where we are in the world these days.

I mentioned in my last post that my start date has been pushed back for two weeks. I spoke with my new boss yesterday, and by the grace of you know who, they are still bringing me on as a new employee come Monday the 18th. They have furloughed people in the department but they believe in me and want me to come fundraise for them. I feel so much gratitude. I want to perform well for them because they put their trust in me.

I’m having flashbacks to when I worked for WGBH back around 2009 during the last recession. I personally had to take a furlough back then and it wasn’t easy to go without pay. I was making much less money back then and every penny counted. It took me a long time to bounce back. These are not easy times.

In other news, my mother and father are doing well. My mom has been repeatedly getting blood tests, and while her numbers have changed, they are not to the point of panic or no return. She is working hard to live her best life. What more can you ask for?

On May 20, Ted and I will celebrate our second anniversary together. For those of you have been reading my blog for a period of time, you’ve been following along our relationship, our journey together. We still have a good thing going.

So many thoughts flurrying in my head. But it’s time to go to sleep so I bid you farewell.

Covid-Somnia

Today should’ve been my first day at my new job but last week, I found out my start date was pushed back 2 weeks. As long as it is only 2 weeks, I can handle it. Granted, I have no income or health insurance but I am working on it. I applied for unemployment and MassHealth, which is free insurance for unemployed or low income folks. It’s only 3 weeks without insurance but in MA, if you don’t have health insurance for 11 out of 12 months, you get fined on your income taxes. Plus there’s that whole virus thing going on.

I’m not happy about it but I understand everyone is impacted by COVID-19. I had a furlough back in 2009 and it took me a while to overcome the financial burden. I have savings now – and got a loan from family members – but it’s crazy how having 2 unplanned weeks off can mess with your head. I should be out fundraising for my local hospital right now. To me, it’s a waste of a good fundraiser!

I’m trying to use my time productively. I’m going to do some home improvements, read, catch up with friends. But I also have what I call “covid-somnia.” I can’t sleep at night. I lie there, wide awake with my thoughts, and then I can’t stay awake during the day. Coffee. Lots of coffee.

So that’s what’s going on here. How’s by you?

Quarantined

We’ve all been quarantined at home to cut the spread of the coronavirus for about a month now. It hasn’t been that hard for me. Ted comes to visit, and I go to visit him and the kids when I can. I honestly like being alone at home so the isolation doesn’t bother me that much. I’ve had other things on my mind, like wrapping up my job. I’m going to gather the emails I received from colleagues and donors at my job, and post them on this blog so I have a nice retrospective of my time served (names excluded, of course).

It’s funny, the one person I believe that stepped in front of my potential bigger promotion hasn’t said a word to me since I announced I was leaving. I think it would’ve been nice if he acknowledged my contributions, but alas, I don’t see that happening. I know that I did a good job and I have to be OK with my own sense of worth when it comes to my contributions.

In other news, Ted and I are starting conversations about buying a house together. We had a virtual conversation with my former realtor, and now we need to start implementing what we learned. It’s exciting and a bit overwhelming all at once. Ted has very good instincts when it comes to my reactions to things, and he acknowledges that this will really change my mindset from being “single“ to being “taken.” I know it seems silly because we’ve been together for almost 2 years, but I spent my entire adult life on my own until the age of 43 so it’s an adjustment. But I think it’s going to be good!

I have two days of work left, and then I am taking two weeks off! During that time, I have to head over to my new job for some blood tests. I’ve been ordering some craft projects online to keep myself busy and I’ve been saving left-handed crocheting videos in my YouTube account 🙂 Let’s see if I actually do any of them! I’ve been also working hard to keep my apartment clean. Tonight, I did some spring cleaning and threw out a bunch of old stuff so that felt good! I’m working on setting up my spare room as a home office, so I need to find a good inexpensive desk. If you have any suggestions of where I can buy something nice but not expensive, let me know in the comments or email me!

Tomorrow night I head to Ted’s to watch Fantasia 2000 and get Dairy Queen with the kids. Should be fun! I made a stupid mistake of commenting, “Shouldn’t we be watching this while on drugs?,” while we watched the original Fantasia and the kids won’t let me forget it! Sometimes I have to remind myself that they’re only 11. For those of you who are wondering, no, I wasn’t serious. The hardest drug I’ve been taking these days is Zquil!

For those of you who made it to the end of this post, I hope you are healthy and happy right now. If you’re struggling with loneliness or feeling helpless, reach out and we’ll set up a zoom!

New Job & The Covid

It’s March 31, 2020, and we’re still in the midst of the Covid-19 pandemic. For the most part, most of us in the USA are in a “shelter in place” recommendation, where we are encouraged to stay home as much as possible. I’m at home alone with occasional visits from Ted (on his weeks when he doesn’t have the kids) and I only leave the house to go to the pharmacy, supermarket/ take-out, and walks. I went to Ted’s on Sunday for a movie and dinner, namely to see the kids because I hadn’t seen them since our spring break trip in Feb to Florida.

In the middle of this illness, a lot has happened on a personal level. On Thursday, I gave my notice to my job that my last day will be April 17th. I am leaving for a new position at Beth Israel Deaconess Medical Center in Boston, MA as a director of development on the “grateful patient” team. It’s bittersweet. I’ve really enjoyed my time at my current job, but since they wouldn’t consider me for the senior role there, I knew I had to move on. As one of my donors said to me today, “You’re nobody’s number 2!”

I have so many thoughts and emotions right now, but not quite ready to put them out there. Still mulling things over. All I can say is that my new job is a great next step in my career. I can tell I’m going through the stages of grief with my current job. I’m working towards “acceptance.”

More to come!

A Whole New World

I wish my title was an homage to Aladdin, but it is actually an nod to an epidemic hitting our planet called the Coronavirus or COVID-19 (link to the Aladdin song in case you need a pick me up!).

Over the last few weeks, a deadly virus began sweeping quickly through China, and spread to many European countries and the United States. It’s too hard for me to write how many cases because it keeps changing, but here’s a link to CNN’s live update.

I want to focus this blog post on the sociological and psychologist ramifications of an outbreak, though, and less on the medical components, which are namely low grade fever, deep dry cough, and the like. People are panicking. There has been a run on hand sanitizer, toilet paper, cleaning supplies, and milk. Why? My belief is that it is something that is within our control. If we can’t control where and when the virus strikes, we can control that we have ample toilet paper or milk, lest we forget that milk eventually spoils. And does everyone drink milk these days, anyhow? I already had plenty of toilet paper and tissues at home, so I didn’t worry about that. What I did worry about was making sure I have enough cat food in case I get sick and am quarantined and enough food in my freezer. I also went out and bought a thermometer to see if I have a fever at any point. It’s a good thing to have on hand anyhow. Of course the only one left cost $45 but fortunately I used FSA money to cover the costs.

People tend to panic when things are out of their control and there is a level of unknown. Because there has been such a polarizing political climate, I’ve seen people blaming the President or other politicians on social media for the epidemic. Listen I am not a particular fan of our President but I also need to remember that this is technically an unchartered territory for all leaders. Would I prefer if there was someone who was less of a narcissist in charge? Yes. Am I concerned that this will be 100% politically-motivated? No. At some point, I have to believe in our leadership and that good choices will be made in order to keep people alive. End of story. I heard a snip-it on the news this morning where the President tried to sugarcoat the fact that our stock market has crashed. It’s his defense mechanism. Anyone who follows the news and the market knows why it has crashed. And we also need to have faith that it will rebound. Do I wish he’d be more transparent about it? Yes. But I have to rely on my own wherewithal here and see through his bullshit.

I wasn’t planning on getting into politics here, but my point is more so that politicians need to rally together at a time like this. Fine, I know it is an election year so let our candidates shine and show us what they got (I’m looking at you, Joe Biden!).

Ok, back to the social stuff. Please do me a solid and don’t just read headlines or click bate. Take the time to listen to the experts, who are frankly not necessarily your friends or family. Look for reputable sources, like the CDC, to get your information. I’ve also been listening to the New York Times’s podcast, The Daily, which seems to give thoughtful information. I also tend to trust my physician friends. Anyhow, those are my thoughts. More on this, I am sure!

The 4 Agreements

For a variety of reasons, I’ve started seeing a job coach again. I’ve been struggling with my place at work and where I want to land. My self-esteem has been very low and I don’t want it to affect how I perform in life and in work. With that said, I’ve already reached my fundraising goal, but I digress….

I’ve only had one session so far with my new job coach but she does seem to have very good intuition. I can drone on and on, and she seems to get the point in a nutshell. I appreciate that very much. I recently got feedback that I was “chatty” which is completely true, And it is something I’ve heard before. So I thought it might be something to work on. I’ve been reading a very interesting book called You’re Not Listening by author Kate Murphy. i’m getting some good takeaways about how to be a better listener, which ultimately, I think, will make me a better communicator in general. Kate attacks this topic very intellectually, including a lot of scientific data, which I really enjoy. I’m in the middle of the chapter that talks about actual listening with your ears and which ear is more receptive to different types of conversation. I’m definitely going to be more observant when somebody leans in to listen to a conversation, looking to see which ear it is.

My job coach suggested that I read a book called the four agreements. I have to admit it’s not written very well, it is not for a highbrow audience. But that doesn’t mean that I can’t be open minded. The four agreements are as follows: be impeccable with your word, don’t take anything personally, don’t make assumptions, and always do your best. I think these are good agreements to live by. I try to be good to my word and not bullshit. I often take things personally but I am working on that. I try to use cognitive behavioral therapy to avoid making assumptions and catastrophizing things. And I’m pretty sure I’m always striving to do my best. So it’s that little thing about taking things personally that seems to get me. I’ll let you know how it goes!

Update 2/12/20

It’s been a week. Mom had a scan, and remains cancer free, but the waiting for the results was “stomach-tied-in-knots” agonizing. I had a big grin today knowing that we don’t have to worry for the time being.

Just got back home from a staff retreat in NJ. Over the weekend, mom & I did a Marvelous Mrs Maisel tour of NYC. We had a lot of fun!

And I came home to this….

You can’t make this stuff up!

Bariatric Surgery, 1.5 years later.

Gross post, alert! Read at your own risk.

So, I had a long awaiting appointment with a new GI doctor today to discuss my constipation issues post-surgery. For those of you who aren’t squeamish and have been following along, you’ll recall this has been a problem since June/July. The doctor put me on a new regime of over-the-counter treatments and will see me in 3 months. With a small stomach, it’s hard to gulp down water or other drinks so I am not drinking enough water. I can tell because my lips are incredibly dry and my contact lenses fell out of my eyes twice this week (lack of moisture in my eyes). It’s been hard for me to take care of myself lately because I’ve been working so much. I told my boss I need to cut back on it, and he agreed, which is a first step in self care. I learned this the hard way at my last job when I worked an 80-hour week and then traveled to Rome, and ended up with bronchitis for about 4 weeks! I have had 2 cold this winter, and it is clear to me that it is stress-related. I know my body well enough to know the telltale signs!

Other things are brewing in my life that I won’t get into here, but some are good, and some aren’t. Working from home (aka Starbucks) today helps as I have on a hoodie and jeans since I’m not meeting with any donors and just catching up on very delayed data entry and busy work. I’m comfortable, which helps!

Ted and I had dinner last weekend with some of his friends, and when they asked how long we’ve been together, he said, “2 years in May.” Wow! I can’t believe it has been that long! And I love him more than ever 🙂

3am

It’s 3 AM and I’m awake because I’ve caught another terrible cold. This is the second one that I’ve had this winter. Some years, I can remain relatively healthy, but when my immune system is compromised, I tend to catch whatever is in the air. Unfortunately my assistant came to work with a cold so I may have caught it from the office. It’s interesting, because I usually credit getting sick often to being vulnerable from stress. I’ve been working long hours the past few weeks, with little downtime. We are down one staff person in my office so I’m working double time to compensate for this. I know there are interviews happening for a second person in the office, so that provide some comfort that things will calm down at some point. Of course, adding a new personality into the mix doesn’t always mean “comfort” but sometimes it’s just out of your hands!

In the meanwhile, I’m here, wide awake with my thoughts. and my tissues.  my main thought is, “thank goodness for Ted.” He is so supportive of everything, and frankly, gets me through every day. I’m very lucky to have him in my life. He has become my rock.

Despite not feeling well, every time I see someone I haven’t seen in a while, they say “you look really happy on Facebook.” It makes me laugh! Everybody looks happy on Facebook 🙂 but, they’re right.

I hope you have enjoyed my 3 AM thoughts! Good night!

Tackling January day-by-day

Sitting at Whole Foods, having a salad, before I head to a doctor’s appointment. This morning I went to an event on parenting offered by one of my former employers. Since Ted and I have made a commitment to each other, I think it is important that I learn a bit about parenting since he has a pair of kids (in all seriousness, I want to be a good influence on the boys, who I adore). It was nice to be reconnected with my former colleagues, who all welcomed me with open arms. The person who replaced me as the lead fundraiser greeted me with a huge hug. How incredible was that? Even my old boss gave me kudos for making a difference at the organization. The wonders never cease. I commented on how great I’m doing, etc.

And I am, for the most part, but when I got back to my office, I felt incredibly drained and depleted of all energy. I realize that although I’m doing well with this winter’s potential blues, it’s not completely out of the picture. I don’t have the same level of energy that I do on a bright and sunny day. After a few hours of being an extrovert, I’m spent. Perhaps it is because I haven’t had a day off in about 10 days? 12 days? I can’t remember anymore. All I know is that I’ve been working nonstop since we are down one employee in my office. I’m working hard not to burn out, but it isn’t easy. Ted and I are heading to FL in February with the kids, but to be honest, I’ll have to be “on” as we’ll be staying with his parents. As I’ve said to him, I need to just get comfortable picking my nose in front of him. I don’t mean it literally, but it’s just to say that as someone who has lived alone her entire adult life, it’s an adjustment being around other people 24/7. I’m “on” for work and then I can go home and be “off.”

I’ve learned the best thing is to be really honest with Ted about this stuff so I don’t feel like I’m hiding anything. He’s been super supportive (not surprising if you know him) and I don’t feel like I have to always be “on” when I’m with him. That’s all for now from Whole Foods!

Lowering my dose

I’ve been taking the same dosage of antidepressants now for about 10-15 years. Month after month, like clockwork, I fill my 2 prescriptions with their $5 copays. And each night, I swallow my 3 pills so that I can get through each day. 40 mg of this, 75 msg of that. Clockwork. Rinse, repeat.

Today, my doctor said she’d like to consider losing my dosage. Picture my chin nearly hitting the floor. I’ve honestly never thought my dosage would change, or if it did, it’s only increase over time. To be mentally in a good place is surreal. I attribute it to Ted, having a pet, and having a flexible schedule at work where I can get access to the sun if/when I need it at these darker times of the year. I’m financially sound, my mom is in remission, and I’m fairly peaceful with life.

Will it hold up? I will use this place to monitor my moods and with hope, I will be able to lower my dose come May, when I have my next appointment. But this is seriously awesome! 😃

45 🥂

It’s erev my 45th birthday. For my non-Jewish readers, “erev” is Hebrew for the “night before.”

I can’t believe I’ll be 45 tomorrow. Seems old. Aren’t I still 21?

I saw my therapist today and we took some time to reflect on my last year. It’s certainly had some high highs and some low lows. But, fortunately, it’s wrapping up on a high. Things with Ted are great. In fact, we both took tomorrow off from work to spend it together. 😃

Mom is doing amazingly well. She’s back to Broadway trips, travel, planning for the future.

And I’m enjoying my job. Our big boss sent me a note today to tell me how great I’m doing at work. So nice. And my immediate boss sent me a gift of chocolate covered pretzels. Yum!

Spending Friday with my two besties for dinner.

Things are good. Here’s to 45! 🥂

The next morning

I wanted to write this morning to comment on how much better I’m feeling after my evening of anxiety. While I did have some insomnia, I feel less stressed this morning and ready to tackle the day. I thought it was important to show the other side of anxiety, that you can get through it. In the moment, it can feel all consuming. but sometimes, you wake up in the morning, and you just feel better. happy Friday!

Snap out of it

Ted was over earlier, and I was dealing with some anxiety, and we joked about being able to “snap out of it.” I shouldn’t say that I “was” dealing with anxiety when I “am” dealing with anxiety. I try not to get too specific about my job here, but I will say that my anxiety is related to my job. I’m currently holding down the fort at my office, without a change in job or title, which leads me to feel extremely vulnerable. While I know I’m working hard, there is a lot of mess to clean up and I can’t seem to tell sometimes if I’m coming or going. Yes, I can see progress, but as an overachiever, I want to see the fruits of our labor coming quicker.

It’s funny. I virtually heard my own words coming out of a lay leader’s mouth today, and it made me feel really good to know that he had bought in. but of course there’s that small part of me that knew they were my ideas coming out of someone else’s mouth. Perhaps that’s what my job has to be right now.…Being a sort of silent partner if you will.

I can’t tell yet if my hardwork is going to pay off. I’m hopeful, but I’ve been disappointed before. I don’t wanna be a fool and stick around just to be overlooked. I guess I don’t have to make any decisions tonight, but I thought it was important to get my thoughts out on my blog.

Self Care Tip: Advent Calendars

OK so I know I’m Jewish but I can’t get enough of advent calendars! I’m not talking about the ones that come with chocolate Santas or Christmas ornaments. While those are lovely, I am talking about the ones that allow you a little taste of “self care” every day. Last year I treated myself to a target beauty advent calendar, but I opened up all of the compartments at once! Oops.

I saw a promotion for a $20 beauty advent calendar from Trader Joe’s, where I buy most of my soaps and shampoos and the like. So I hopped over there a few days ago and treated myself to the calendar. I am only opening one compartment per day so for 12 days, when I get home from work, I get a little treat!

It’s an inexpensive way to give yourself a gift every day. try it!

Goodbye and Thank you

This is been a very surreal evening. Around 3:30 PM, I received a phone call from one of our board members that the chair of our board from my job passed away. He had actually been acting as our chair for the last two years while we looked for his successor. I literally sent out an email last Friday transitioning him out and our new chair in. I knew he was sick, but when I spoke to him last week, he told me he was improving. Perhaps he said that to everyone to ease our worries.

These are the type of moments that remind me that work is more than just work. Even if we sit behind a computer we are still interacting with other people, living and breathing and existing. While we may have a different personality at work, we’re still living and breathing and existing. So when someone passes away, it’s hard not to feel. This was one of the nicest man, a true gentleman. He will be missed and I will remember him fondly for his kindness.

Take Care

It has been a whirlwind few weeks. Visit to NH with Ted’s family followed by a visit to my family and Philly to meet my friend’s little sweet baby (shout out!), and in between, I’m covering about 2.5 jobs in the office since my boss quit in July and my assistant left last month. This weekend my parents will meet Ted’s parents over brunch at my place so trying to clean and get ready. Oh, and my big boss is coming to Boston and we’ll throw an event at a private home.

My therapist asked me when I’m going to fit in time for myself. So, tonight I’m writing as my nails dry. Me time. Then, I plan to watch some Hulu and play games on my iPad. Ted is with the kids tonight but he came over last night & we just hung out, which was nice!

I feel like life is passing me by right now and I’m not able to live in the moment. So, I’m doing that now. In this very moment, I’m taking care of myself. Because if I don’t, who will? (Yes, Ted, I know you will 🙂 )