Category: SingleSassy.com

We’ve all been here, right?  You’re in limbo with the girl or guy you’re dating.  You’ve been out on several dates and you’re wondering – is it exclusive?  Are we dating other people?  There’s a hilarious scene in the movie Trainwreck where Amy Schumer’s character – Amy – is dating this guy and he tells her he was going to propose just as she admits she’s still sleeping with other guys.  Talk about mixed signals!

So how do you conquer this?  As I’ve gotten older, I’ve gotten better at opening up and expressing how I feel.  However, sometime’s it is just easier to go with the flow than put the pressure on someone to commit who just isn’t ready.

Readers, how do you feel about this?  When is the right time to become exclusive?

While I was on vacation this past week, the popular dating website Ashley Madison was hacked.  Hackers said that they’d release the contact info of those who use it unless the site shut down.  Back in 2012, I blogged about this website.  While I know people on it, it’s not my thing.  It’s one of those things that scares me about marriage.  I wouldn’t want a husband of mine to be looking on a dating site for other women.  And, I wouldn’t want to date a married man either.  Call me old fashioned.

According to the hackers, they will “dribble” data from the site until it closes.

Is it wrong that it gives me a tiny bit of glee?

Updated on 8/27/15:  So the leak has happened and I take back my comment about gleefulness.  I don’t feel glee at all anymore.  I feel sadness for the men and women who are finding out the hard way that their spouses have cheated on them. Or at least created a profile for that purpose.  I don’t wish that on anyone.

I’m in a dating rut.  Between working my full-time job and taking on a part-time job and volunteering on some weekends & evenings, I have given myself little time to think about or pursue a dating life.

It’s self preservation, really.  It’s easier to pour oneself into work than to date.  Dating sometimes feel like yet another job. Somehow, I need to discover the joys of dating again so I WANT to pursue a relationship.

I was joking with my mom the other night on the phone about financial woes and she suggested I find a “sugar daddy”  (My mom is very level-headed and was only kidding).  I told her that no “sugar daddy” would want a 40 year old.

I think I’m caught up in my head about being 40 and over the hill.  I blame the media.  Ok, I had to blame someone.

If you have any tips on how to pull me out of the dating rut, I’m all ears…and I bet so are my readers!

On Friday night I was volunteering for a young adult event, sitting at the registration table between two college interns aged 21 and 20.  I’m 40.  First, I realized quickly I was old enough to be their (very young) mother.  And that made me feel uneasy. They assured me I didn’t “look 40.”  Super sweet but the reality is, I am 40.

When I left the event around 9:15pm, they said, “Why are you leaving so early?”

My response: “I’m 40 and tired, and that’s the beauty of aging – you can leave an event early if you feel like it.”  I went home and watched an episode of Tyrant on Hulu.

Last night a late 20-something guy wrote to me on OkCupid and said, “There’s no way you’re 40.  You’re 30 at the most.”  I loved it.  But it also annoyed me.  Because I am 40.

I’m not saying I want to be treated like an older person, but at the same time, I have 40 years of life behind me.  I started working full-time around 24, so I’ve got 16 years under my belt.  And if you think about my first job at age 11 as a babysitter of 3 boys, I’ve been working for nearly 30 years.

It’s a tough age to be single.  Someone with kids once said he wasn’t sure we could date because I don’t have kids.  I’m basically too old to have kids so that ship has sailed.  Yet because I don’t have kids I can pick up at a moment’s notice and meet a friend for dinner or drinks…if I’m not working or volunteering.

Is age but a number?

Recently, I told you about my breakup with Tinder because they were charging people older than 30 for their premium service. Now there is some competition brewing with the website, How About We, and their “tonight” feature.  I just read about it in an Observer article.  It goes beyond the constant swiping and matches you up with people who are interested in going out on a date tonight.  Listen, I can’t promise the intentions are always honorable, but it seems to me this may be a way to weed out the guys who send you pictures of their junk with the guys who are actually interested in meeting up.

Why am I really excited about this?  It also weeds out the people who like to talk online forever and never have any intentions of meeting IRL.  I’m pretty excited about this and am considering shelling out the money for a membership so I can try it out!

Stay tuned.  You, too, can join here.

A few weeks ago, Tinder released to the press that they will be charging $10 more a month for their new premium service if you are over the age of 30.  Their rationale?  People over 30 can afford it.

Bah, nice excuse.  They’re simple trying to get rid of us older people.  If they wanted to keep us, they’d offer their more expensive premium service having more features, versus just for the older folks.

Why do you think Tinder wants to target people who are under 30?  It can’t be about advertising because the key demographic is usually 18-35.  That alienates the 30-35 year olds.

This article is the best one I’ve seen that articulates why this business model won’t work.

It’s early March.  By the looks of it here in Boston, winter is never going to end.  Let’s face it, winter is a tough time to meet someone.  Most of us want to stay indoors as much as possible to avoid frostbite (unless you count my nephew who thrives in the outdoors 24/7/365).  I don’t always feel like dating in the winter, but it’s easy to go online to peruse match, okcupid, POF, etc.  I’m skipping Tinder because for one, I’m not 19 and looking for a hookup, and two, they’re ageist. Get off your couch and go meet some people…people.  Here’s a great starting point.

Now I need to take my own advice.

I did not read any of the 50 Shades of Grey trilogy nor did I see the film that opened up on Valentine’s Day weekend.  And I have no interest in reading or viewing this tale of man, woman, and their bondage.

Listen, I love a great romance movie.  Rom coms are my guilty pleasure.  But the concept of 50 Shades of Grey doesn’t titillate me in the least.  I’m not a big reader of romance novels, and there are plenty of good steamy movies in my queue.  For example, have you ever seen Diane Lane and Viggo Mortensen in “A Walk in the Moon?”  He may be the “blouse man” but he is sexy in this fabulous film!  Or, may I suggest watching the “Scarlet Letter” with Demi Moore and Gary Oldman?  I remember seeing that film in college and falling head over heels for Gary Oldman.  Crazy, right?  Watch the scenes of them in the barn. Steamy!  Who knew a book that we were all made to read in high school could be so seductive?

There’s, of course, the romantic movies that don’t necessarily deliver the sex scenes, but tug on the heart strings: Notting Hill, Love Actually, Two Weeks Notice…wait, I just noticed that all of those films include Hugh Grant…other goodies include Roman Holiday, Sabrina (the original and the remake), Something Borrowed, Leap Year, and The Holiday.

Yes, a sexy movie is always fun.  I love a good Lifetime movie.  But I don’t think I’ll be turning 50 Shades of anything anytime soon.  If you see it, let me know what you think!

Guest blogger Norah Martin tells us her tips for Dating 101: Surviving the Jungle.  SingleSassy agrees with the tips below – and should heed Norah’s sounds advice!

Here’s Norah….

Some of my friends say dating is the simplest thing in the world: you go out with a guy, have a couple of drinks, maybe a nice dinner, and if you like him, do it again. For others, it’s as stressful as visiting the dentist. Over the years, my girlfriends and I have come up with some general rules for surviving the urban jungle, here are some of them:

Things aren’t always as they seem

A realistic scenario is that you’ll get disappointed with the guy. It doesn’t matter how cool and interesting he might seem. People sometimes behave differently in company than when they are alone with a girl. Maybe he turns out to be boring, self-centered or is silent during the entire date. The bottom line is, be prepared and don’t get your hopes up. The date might go either way.

What if it goes downhill?

More often than not your first date will not go as planned. On average, the date might be just that, average. However, after you’ve sat through at least one horrific date where the guy is loud, rude and obnoxious, you’ll come up with a contingency plan. You can arrange for a girlfriend to call you during the date. If you’re having a good time, let the call go to voicemail. If you’re sitting on the edge of your seat looking for the exit sign, take the call, fake an emergency and politely, and hurriedly, leave.

Bring your own cash

You should always bring enough cash to pay for your own meal, drinks and transportation. Offer to split the check at the end of the date, and leave a tip at least, if your date pays for the meal. Be prepared to actually split the check, of course. Never expect your date will be the one who’s buying, and never order the most expensive item on the menu.

I want you, now!

Once in a while you may hit the dating jackpot and throw taking it slow out the window. Perfectly all right, of course! This is why you should always be prepared and have a good quality pack of condoms with you at all times. Guys will most often be without one, and the most important thing you owe to yourself is to be safe and prepared.

Be yourself!

Although it’s good to put a little extra effort into your appearance, it’s more important not to turn yourself into someone else. Even more importantly, don’t be afraid to tell him who you are. If you are obsessed with Mexican telenovelas, tell him about it! If he doesn’t like it, it’s better to know right away, than to have arguments about it five months into the relationship.

Careful with the texting

No matter how much you like the guy, don’t overdo the texting, the calling and the Facebook stalking. There are so many opinions out there about who should be the one to make the first move after the first date. It’s completely fine if it’s you, just keep it within limits, and keep it as casual as the date went. Even if he likes you, wants to be with you and is dying to see you again, he might get cold feet if you send him five texts, four emails and call him twice in twelve hours.

Remember that the most important rules about dating are the ones you make for yourself. Do only that which you’re comfortable with, keep in mind you’re supposed to be having fun, and never forget to work on the most important relationship in your life, the one with yourself. That’s the one you’ll be in for the rest of your life, after all!

Norah Martin has been on some epic dates: she’s seen the good, the bad and the ugly. One of the worst dates she’s been on was with her future husband, which only proves her closeted theory that you should never write off a guy completely. Well, maybe not never.

It’s been a while, loyal readers.  I’ve missed you.  Hoping you missed me too!

I wanted to write a post to let you know that on Friday, I’m heading out on my latest and (maybe?) greatest singles cruise!  You know I love cruising with the singles, and the anticipation of the vacation is almost as good as experiencing it.  In fact, I wrote about how much I love singles cruises on Singles Warehouse this past fall.  And, if you want to relive my last cruise from last Feb, here are the juicy details!

In any case, not much else to share with you right now.  Stuck in the winter doldrums, which seem to hit me around this time every year.  Here is my post from last year, nearly one year ago to the date, and it makes me laugh because I feel exactly the same way today!

Now that I’ve managed to write a blog post while promoting three past blog posts (currently bowing over my shameless self promotion)….I’m going to go listen to today’s interview with Gwyneth Paltrow on Howard Stern.

Hope you’re not suffering too much from the winter blues!  See you in a few weeks.

Antonio Borello reached out to me via twitter and asked if I would spread the word about his kickstarter campaign.  While I haven’t read the book yet, I love the concept of it.  Here is their press release, which gives you the premise of the book as well as a link to the campaign.  —SingleSassy

When Dr. Antonio Borrello divorced Dr. Theresa Pavone, he knew his integrity as a marriage and relationship expert would come under fire. Three years after navigating the tumultuous “new world” of online dating, Antonio and Theresa did what any divorced couple would do – join forces and combine their experiences into a revolutionary new book. ‘Relationships 2.0: Finding Love in the Age of Social Media and the Mobile Web’ was born. To get the book into stores and donated to hundreds of libraries and shelters, the duo is urging heartstring-tuggers everywhere to back their Kickstarter campaign.

It may sound strange, unlikely or even absurd – but it’s true; one of the nation’s most trusted relationship experts has teamed up with his ex-wife to write about finding lifelong love.

What may sound even stranger is the admission that Dr. Antonio Borrello and Dr. Theresa Pavone are more qualified than anyone else to write such a game-changing resource; having taken their own relationship full circle, through divorce and head-first into the exciting yet intimidating world of digital dating.

‘Relationships 2.0: Finding Love in the Age of Social Media and the Mobile Web’ possesses the power to save any struggling relationship. For those whose love ties have already been severed, Dr. Borrello and Dr. Pavone provide step-by-step guidance on finding “the one” at a time when 90% of introductions take place digitally. The bottom line: while their own marriage didn’t work out, Drs. Borrello and Pavone are now working tirelessly to ensure that others don’t meet the same fate.

Synopsis:

As a psychologist and relationship therapist for the past 15 years, Dr. Antonio Borrello has worked with thousands of people to improve and heal their most important relationships. His scientific background and passion for helping people led Antonio to become a recognized dating and relationship expert and inspired him to begin writing his first book. But then, Antonio had a problem – he found himself on the divorce register.

Antonio was forced to re-evaluate every aspect of his personal life and professional practice. After all, he would soon be a “divorced-marriage-therapist” with a huge credibility issue. And, like most divorcing couples with children, Antonio and his ex-wife Dr. Theresa Pavone struggled through a difficult adjustment period. Married or not, they were both determined to redefine their relationship and successfully uncouple. Through patience, understanding, hard work and a little bit of luck, Antonio and Theresa were able to develop a new co-parenting friendship that is mutually rewarding and beneficial to their children.

Two years after they both ventured into the exhilarating yet frustrating world of singledom, forced to now meet people via social media and online technology that didn’t exist when they first met, Antonio and Theresa are back at the same dining table to fuse their practical and professional experiences in this book.

Meeting people, communicating with them and dating them has changed radically in the past decade. Let Antonio and Theresa guide you through mobile dating apps, Tinder, online dating site profiles and making the bold transition from avatar to real-world date. You too can now understand why your relationships failed, how you can avoid repeating those same mistakes and find victory in the new world of digital dating.

This book is a Bible for those who believe in second chances; the ‘2.0’.

“I had a reputation as the therapist to see for those wanting to save their marriage, and then suddenly I found myself filling out my own divorce papers. I felt a bit like a teetotal wine sommelier, facing a huge credibility issue,” admits Dr. Borrello. “But, dare I say it, experiencing the full circle of dating, marriage, divorce and dating again makes me more qualified than ever before to help others find lifelong love.”

Continuing, “Theresa and I know that this book, particularly because of its unlikely premise, can save the relationships of millions and help another million find their forever partner. We also want to donate 500 copies to libraries and shelters across the country. But, if we’re going to get there, we need help.”

The duo have turned to Kickstarter to raise funds, with the campaign due to launch in early January, 2015. A range of exciting and exclusive rewards are available to backers, with interested parties urged to pledge while quantities remain.

For more information on the book, its authors and the Kickstarter campaign link, visit their Kickstarter campaign page at https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/1832736476/1558413568?token=0a0300b5 or the official website for ‘Relationships 2.0: Finding Love in the Age of Social Media and the Mobile Web’: http://relationships20.com.

About the Authors:

Dr. Antonio Borrello is a nationally recognized psychologist and relationship expert who has worked with thousands of people to improve and heal their most important relationships. Antonio has built a strong follower base as @eDatingDr on Twitter and Instagram.

Theresa Pavone, Ph.D. is an inspirational author and an industrial and organizational psychologist, Theresa Pavone prides herself on improving relationships in the workplace with effective coaching and work-life balance. Theresa has spent the last twenty years as a professor and working with Inc. 500 companies.

Disclaimer:  I received no compensation to post about this campaign, but I have not read the book at this time.  I am doing this as a favor to get the word out for Antonio.

 

Several milestones have occurred, or are coming up in my life.  Time for reflection, I suppose.

1.  On Friday, I turned 40.  After my initial freakout, I relaxed and embraced joining a new decade.  It was a great celebratory weekend, including visits from my parents, high school and college friends, former colleagues, you name it.  The photo on the left epitomizes the weekend:  many drinks, smiles, and celebrations.

2. SingleSassy.com is nearly 3.  I launched this blog in January 2012, and she’s still churning out posts about being single, sassy, and arguably sophisticated.  She’s been with me through ups and downs, including new relationships, breakups, job transitions, and everything in between.  And, yes, SingleSassy is female!

3. It’s almost 2015. That’s some crazy shit.  2015.  Woah.  Happy Almost New Year!

Friends and readers, have you experienced your own milestones this past year?  Please share them in the comments or if you prefer, message me privately.

Sometimes I forget that in a sea of available men, you only really need one to make you happy.

It’s been a while since I’ve dated.  I broke up with someone a while back and then jumped, 150%, into a work project that completed shortly before Thanksgiving.  I didn’t see any of my friends during my work event let alone date.

But it’s mid-December now and time to get back into the dating pool.

I rejoined OkCupid, Match.  And I signed up for speed dating yesterday.

Many of you who read my blog love to hear about the trials and tribulations of speed dating, so here goes!

Speed dating was called for 5pm, but I knew that it wouldn’t officially start until 5:30pm.  I arrived about 5:25pm and saw that almost all of the tables had a woman sitting at them, but no men.  I spoke with the women who was running the event and she said that there were 3 guys, but she was hopeful that the other 3 who had signed up would arrive soon.  By 5:45pm, we knew that they were no shows.

So, we had the option to leave and get a full refund, or stay and get a free speed dating.  I decided to stay and meet the 3 men that had shown up.  Why the hell not, right?

The first guy was chatty, friendly, but he invited one of the other women to join us on our “date.”  Basically, I took that to mean he wasn’t interested in talking to me, and maybe he had a 3-some in mind?  But seriously, I told him I preferred to date one-on-one (sarcastically, of course), and we chatted for our 6-minute date.

Next.

Next up was a guy from Italy who has been here in Boston for…wait for it….3 days.  He told me he was staying with a friend and I figured he was at speed dating to either get his groove on or find a place to crash.  We talked about Rome and gelato and..then…not much else.

The third guy seemed cool.

And that was that.  I decided to check off “interested” for all 3 guys because, as I told the woman running the event, “Why not?”

I put on my coat and wandered out into the streets of Boston.  Headed home, ate dinner, went to sleep.

This morning I awoke to an email that guy #3 and I matched!

As a wise Facebook follower said to me, “It only takes one.”  Amen!

In 2 hours, it will be December 1st.  It will then be officially my birthday month, a few weeks before I turn 40.  Honestly, I feel numb to it.  I mean, I keep saying that I’m almost 40, but the reality is, I cannot believe I’m going to be 40.  When you’re in your 20s, you think 40 is SO OLD.  And when you’re 39 and 3/4, you think “40, eh?  It’s not so old, really.”

My hair stylist says I may be almost 40, but I’m very youthful and I should date younger.  Truth be told, I’m sorta tired of older guys.  They sometimes have issues when it comes to intimacy and I’ll leave at that, but you know what I mean.  If you don’t, email me to joannaonlinedating(a)gmail.com and I’ll fill you in.  Wink wink.

I’ve changed my online dating settings to 30+.  I need someone who is vivacious and doesn’t want to sit on the couch every night discussing the latest Netflix and Hulu shows.  That’s fun to do on occasion, but there is a beautiful city called Boston out there and there’s no reason why we shouldn’t be exploring it together.

I pour myself into work mostly because I can, but the reality is, it’d be way more fun to pour that energy into a relationship.

So, here’s to almost 40!

I guess the thought of being alone bothered me tonight because I rejoined Ok Cupid.  I know there are a lot of douche bags out there, but at the same time, I see myself getting sucked back into the vortex of “all work and no play.”   Granted, I’m two weeks out from a huge work event, but that doesn’t mean I can’t do a little flirting and dating on the side, right?

I had some nasty experiences with Ok Cupid the last time around – including a mean person who really trashed me – but I’m hopeful and optimistic this time around!  Besides, it’ll give me a fun distraction from raising money for this big work event!  Wish me luck, cupid!

So, it’s no secret that I’m a Netflix, Hulu, and TV lover in general. In fact, my grandfather gave me my first TV – a snazzy 9 inch black and white tabletop – before I turned the age of 10. No judgment, please, that I used to sit and watch Home Shopping Network. When I turned Sweet 16, I used the money I got from gifts to purchase a 19-inch color TV and – wait for it! – a VCR. I used to tape all my favorite soap operas when I was at school and then I’d come home and watch them for hours (when I probably should have been doing homework). I dreamt of being swept away by those dreamy soap opera actors. Ah Matthew Ashford. Ok, I digress.

I eventually graduated to a LCD flat screen, which is my current TV of choice, though I will admit that the color isn’t that great. A couple of nights ago I had the opportunity to watch TV on one of the brand new OLED TVs from LG. This TV seriously kicks some major ass, if I may say so, and I want one! Just think of how great Ray Donovan or the Gilmore Girls would look. I was thinking how great that TV would be when I have my girlfriends over for my Downtown Abbey Season 5 Premiere Party (get ready, ladies!).

I took a bunch of photos from the LG event I attended, but I have to say that my iphone5 pix doesn’t even do them justice! In case you were wondering, OLED stands for Organic Light Emitting Diode, which describes the material that creates the unique light source in these next-generation TVs. Basically, by eliminating the need for a backlight, OLED offers an incomparable picture quality and design potential to conventional LCD TVs. LG was the first to introduce OLED TVs in the United States and is – awesomely! – the unrivaled leader in delivering this technology. I’m personally not surprised. When I went to get my new washer and dryer this year, every store clerk told me that the LG ones were the best. And who doesn’t want the best, especially when it comes to investing in cool new technology?

I’m going to admit that as a non-profit employee, I probably can’t afford to buy the OLED tv right now, but I did ask the question, “Will the price of these TVs eventually decrease so they are more affordable?” The VP of LG, who was at the event, nodded with enthusiasm! I’m very pumped about that because I have no doubt that when I’m ready to replace my current TV, I will go for the curved OLED. I’m sold on that TV big time.

Ok, so dear readers and friends, my 40^th birthday is coming up. If you were racking your brain about what to get me, may I suggest the LG OLED TV? I’m only partially kidding. You can save about $500 by getting it on Amazon.  And you can get it delivered very soon, which means you, me, and my couch will soon have a very hot date!

//

This post was sponsored by LG Electronics (@LGUS)

Just a quick update to let you know that I’m single again!  The guy I was dating was very sweet, but we just came to the realization that our relationship wasn’t going anywhere.  So, we called it quits with a hug; I’m sure we’ll stay friends.

Seriously, no hard feelings!

So I’m back in action and, in some ways, feel like I’m back to zero.  But my life didn’t change that much when I was dating this past guy but I do know I’ll miss the cuddling and having someone to hang out with.

If you know anyone who is single and available, I’m game!

I’ve been storing up these blog posts in my head, so instead of writing several, I’m going to write a few blurbs to give you all an updated on life.

1. So, there’s this guy who has been calling me every few months and leaves me rambling phone messages.  I’ve blogged about him before – he’s most likely harmless – but he’s starting to bug me.  I answered once and he stated on the call that he hoped I wasn’t married.  He left a message again, more recently, and said the same, but this time, added in that he hoped I didn’t have kids.  This morning’s message, left at 8:30am, rambled on and on, as per usual fashion, but this time he said he remembered I was a matchmaker.  Oh good grief.  I might write about this stuff, but I’m definitely not a matchmaker!  I feel sorry for him but at the same time, I’d like him to stop calling me.

2. For some reason, I googled 3 exes this week.  I was just reflecting back on my dating history and was curious about these particular 3, who all had left some sort of mark on my life (not necessarily good, but regardless, a mark.  One recently moved to Vermont, one is completely off the grid, and the other one….um….wrote a freaky manifesto that you can order on Amazon.  It’s really disturbing and scary and all of that fun stuff.  Glad he’s in the past!

3. And finally, for those of you keeping score, I’m still dating the same guy since July.  I know, bloody miracle, right?  I’ve tried to keep this relationship private and off the blog – for the most part – and I have to say, I really like the fact that it’s started off that way.  I tend to be an over sharer (oh stop your laughter at the obvious!) so it’s refreshing to keep some things private.

Ok, that’s enough for now.  Writing this is keeping me from something very important:  watching the latest episode of America’s Next Top Model.

In the words of the great Tyra Banks, smize!