Patterns

Have you ever taken the time to look for patterns in your life? You know what I mean. We all do things by habitually and the reality is, sometimes you don’t notice the patterns unless you write about them on a blog. When I’ve gone back and looked at posts from SingleSassy.com, my old dating blog, I’ve noticed a downward spiral in my mood sometime in early January each year. This is definitely due to the weather, the lack of natural sunlight, the depreciation of vitamin D, and anything else that is negatively related to the New England winter. Because I’ve noticed these trends, I’ve worked really hard to try to battle some of these challenges that I face year after year. 

A few years ago, I went to visit my parents in March, who were staying in Florida, and I was ready to pack my bags and move there after a few days of sun and relaxation. But a few hours after I landed back in Boston, I called my mom and said that I did not want to leave my home. As much as I enjoyed being in the sun, I didn’t want to leave my life back in Boston. But it was good for me to have a short break and to get some sunshine. This winter and spring are very busy at work. Unfortunately, because of the timing of our annual gala, I am not able to go visit my parents in Florida. So this afternoon, after spending a significant amount of time looking for good prices, I booked an excursion to the happiest place on earth…for me… Rome, Italy!

Listen, I got an amazing deal, but it isn’t as if I’m rolling in the dough. I rationalized booking this trip as an investment in my mental health. I think I may have written in an earlier post that I said to a few people in the last six months, that I truly believe that if I keep going the way I am in my life that I will die young from a heart attack or stress. I don’t want that to happen. So I am really trying to be more mindful and take care of myself. I’ve chosen a line of work that doesn’t allow for any moment of pause or relaxation when you’re in the throes of it, so it’s up to me to carve out time where I can focus on the things that I love. And for me, since 1996, the one thing that gives me absolute joy is spending time in Rome. Throw in a Caravaggio painting or sculpture by Bernini, and I’m in heaven.

But, really, it doesn’t matter what I’m doing. I can be sitting on the stoop in a random Piazza. Or, I can grab a piece of pizza at a local Italian bar. Or, I can be sipping espresso while watching people walk by. It doesn’t really matter. The pure joy of being in Rome is enough.

When I was in Rome earlier this year, I felt no depression or anxiety. I just walked and walked and walked throughout the city, and enjoyed every moment.

Is it April yet?

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When do you make it official?

We’ve all been here, right?  You’re in limbo with the girl or guy you’re dating.  You’ve been out on several dates and you’re wondering – is it exclusive?  Are we dating other people?  There’s a hilarious scene in the movie Trainwreck where Amy Schumer’s character – Amy – is dating this guy and he tells her he was going to propose just as she admits she’s still sleeping with other guys.  Talk about mixed signals!

So how do you conquer this?  As I’ve gotten older, I’ve gotten better at opening up and expressing how I feel.  However, sometime’s it is just easier to go with the flow than put the pressure on someone to commit who just isn’t ready.

Readers, how do you feel about this?  When is the right time to become exclusive?

Cabecera 2 Amparo

Cheaters

570116-shhhh-Stock-Photo-shhh-silence-silentWhile I was on vacation this past week, the popular dating website Ashley Madison was hacked.  Hackers said that they’d release the contact info of those who use it unless the site shut down.  Back in 2012, I blogged about this website.  While I know people on it, it’s not my thing.  It’s one of those things that scares me about marriage.  I wouldn’t want a husband of mine to be looking on a dating site for other women.  And, I wouldn’t want to date a married man either.  Call me old fashioned.

According to the hackers, they will “dribble” data from the site until it closes.

Is it wrong that it gives me a tiny bit of glee?

Updated on 8/27/15:  So the leak has happened and I take back my comment about gleefulness.  I don’t feel glee at all anymore.  I feel sadness for the men and women who are finding out the hard way that their spouses have cheated on them. Or at least created a profile for that purpose.  I don’t wish that on anyone.

I’ve Lost that Lovin’ Feeling

How-to-loveI’m in a dating rut.  Between working my full-time job and taking on a part-time job and volunteering on some weekends & evenings, I have given myself little time to think about or pursue a dating life.

It’s self preservation, really.  It’s easier to pour oneself into work than to date.  Dating sometimes feel like yet another job. Somehow, I need to discover the joys of dating again so I WANT to pursue a relationship.

I was joking with my mom the other night on the phone about financial woes and she suggested I find a “sugar daddy”  (My mom is very level-headed and was only kidding).  I told her that no “sugar daddy” would want a 40 year old.

I think I’m caught up in my head about being 40 and over the hill.  I blame the media.  Ok, I had to blame someone.

If you have any tips on how to pull me out of the dating rut, I’m all ears…and I bet so are my readers!

Aging Gracefully?

40th-Birthday-Gag-GiftOn Friday night I was volunteering for a young adult event, sitting at the registration table between two college interns aged 21 and 20.  I’m 40.  First, I realized quickly I was old enough to be their (very young) mother.  And that made me feel uneasy. They assured me I didn’t “look 40.”  Super sweet but the reality is, I am 40.

When I left the event around 9:15pm, they said, “Why are you leaving so early?”

My response: “I’m 40 and tired, and that’s the beauty of aging – you can leave an event early if you feel like it.”  I went home and watched an episode of Tyrant on Hulu.

Last night a late 20-something guy wrote to me on OkCupid and said, “There’s no way you’re 40.  You’re 30 at the most.”  I loved it.  But it also annoyed me.  Because I am 40.

I’m not saying I want to be treated like an older person, but at the same time, I have 40 years of life behind me.  I started working full-time around 24, so I’ve got 16 years under my belt.  And if you think about my first job at age 11 as a babysitter of 3 boys, I’ve been working for nearly 30 years.

It’s a tough age to be single.  Someone with kids once said he wasn’t sure we could date because I don’t have kids.  I’m basically too old to have kids so that ship has sailed.  Yet because I don’t have kids I can pick up at a moment’s notice and meet a friend for dinner or drinks…if I’m not working or volunteering.

Is age but a number?

Shame

Recently I attended a discussion with an author, Jon Ronson, about his recent book, So You’ve Been Publicly Shamed.  It’s a fascinating read on the use – or should I say, abuse – of social media to pounce on someone for writing a stupid or silly or even misinterpreted comment on FB, Twitter, etc.

I think about these things often. Recently someone asked me how I handle being a dating blogger and working as a professional fundraiser.  I responded that I have to be ok with anyone stumbling upon my blog.  Period.  If I am not, then I have to remove it from the internet.  But I’ve realized that as I’ve gotten older, I don’t mind being a transparent human being.  If someone wants to read this and learn more about me as a whole person, then so be it.  I can’t compartmentalize myself.  I’ve tried that in the past and I end up not seeming authentic.

At the same time, I believe there is a time and a place for everything.  Probably not a great idea to talk about a one-night-stand or a drunken evening at a staff meeting at work.  That’s more for banter with your best friend or roommate.

Read Jon’s book.  It’s fascinating.

This is NOT a sponsored post and I have not affiliation with Jon.  I just dig him.

Tonight, Tonight.

CaptureRecently, I told you about my breakup with Tinder because they were charging people older than 30 for their premium service. Now there is some competition brewing with the website, How About We, and their “tonight” feature.  I just read about it in an Observer article.  It goes beyond the constant swiping and matches you up with people who are interested in going out on a date tonight.  Listen, I can’t promise the intentions are always honorable, but it seems to me this may be a way to weed out the guys who send you pictures of their junk with the guys who are actually interested in meeting up.

Why am I really excited about this?  It also weeds out the people who like to talk online forever and never have any intentions of meeting IRL.  I’m pretty excited about this and am considering shelling out the money for a membership so I can try it out!

Stay tuned.  You, too, can join here.