Guest Post: Dating Advice To Help You Rock Your First Date

Guest blogger Patrick Banks shares his dating advice to help you rock your first date!

We all love the dating game. Meeting with a new person is like entering a brand new land. You don’t know where you’re going, who they are or what you might find. Your first date can be amazing or a total disaster. No matter of your age or your style, there are several crucial things to keep in mind before you get gussied up and run out to meet your date.

Look Your Best

You only get one chance to make a first impression, so try to put forth your best self. Don’t over-dress one way or the other, be comfortable, but nice. He will surely appreciate some effort from your part. Play it safe. Dressing for a black tie dinner or wearing sweatpants could send the wrong impression, so show that you care too without being intimidating or too much provocative.

Ask Questions, But You’re Not a Detective

Learning about someone is crucial, but be careful not to overdo it. It is perfectly natural to be curious about his life, but don’t make turn it into a cross examination or job interview. Simply ask what he enjoys in his work the most; or what his passions are. Pleasant conversation can trigger some emotions during a date, so keep the conversation organic and don’t force the issue.

Feel Free to Flirt

Flirting is part of the natural process of being on a date. A joke or a smile will signal whether or not the date is going well and can relax the mood. Like with everything – moderation is the key, do what comes naturally to you. You don’t have to try TOO hard, let it come naturally.

Don’t try TOO hard

Don’t try to impress him at any cost. A date can make you feel obligated to act one way or another, but be yourself. Be confidant in who you are and you will find that this will result in your best dates. You both showed up, you’re making pleasant conversation; you’re trying to have a nice time. And that’s enough! Don’t do anything else unless you feel that you are comfortable. Show him your interest but don’t seem overexcited too quickly, because he may find you desperate.

He’s Not Out of Your League

Confidence is an attractive quality. The first date can always be a bit of a surprise, but and if you find yourself impressed by him upon your first meeting, be confident. Even if you really like the man who is sitting in front of you, show him this, but try to make it appear a bit nonchalant. He is choosing to go on a date with you too, and might be just as nervous meeting you. Remember that you’re worth it and never forget it!

Most of All, Have Fun

Isn’t that what dating is all about it? There is a lot of outside pressure on a first date to immediately connect, but just go with the flow and enjoy every single second. Your good mood and honest smile is the best aphrodisiac you have. And if the date doesn’t work out, at least you can say that you had a fun night and it won’t be a total loss. And don’t worry, there are plenty of fish in the sea!

Good luck out there ladies!

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Patrick Banks is a Berlin based writer with over 5 years of experience providing sex and dating advice. He is a fierce optimist who believes in the power of making life happen; enjoy being single and making the most of it. He offers advice on dating and helpful tips.

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Did you earn a listing in my iPhone? iOS8 upgrade tells all!

photo-27I have an iPhone 5 and am not eligible for an upgrade until mid-October, so I did not rush to pre-order the new iPhone 6 or 6+.  As a result, I’m going to have to upgrade my iOS to 8 on my iPhone and suffer the consequences, which includes making room for the new operating system – 5 gigs!  My phone only has 16, so I’m going to need to do some heavy duty deleting.

So, I started with the text messages, which dated back to 2011.  It was a walk through memory lane!  First, there were those texts from numbers I didn’t recognize that say “hey” and “yo.”  Clearly those were from online dating prospects that never went anywhere because I didn’t even bother to put their name into my phone!

Then there were the next level of commitment folks – the “RogerClubGetaway,” the “MikeOkCupid,” and my personal favorite: “Russianguy.”  They had earned a place in my phone, but I needed to make sure I’d know who they were when calling or texting!

The current guy in my life gets a full name – first and last.  And I kept his texts.  Enough said.

It’s feeling rather cathartic.  What do I delete next?

 

Is she too old for him? Advice needed for a boomer!

UnknownDear Loyal Readers,

I need your input for my client, a 67-year-old divorced woman – she’s attractive, educated, in good shape woman – and we’re trying to figure out what is the right age range for her to date.  Last week, we emailed several eligible bachelors on JDate who were in her desired age range, which is 60-72.  She is really not interested in dating someone who is in his mid-70s or older, but is she looking too young?  We got a response back from someone who said she should be looking for men who are older than her.  And then, as we looked the men’s profiles who were 60-70, they were looking for someone in their 40s to 60s (good luck with that, by the way!).

What do you think she should do?  Should we look for someone in his 70s?  I’m not sure since this age group is beyond my scope of personal experience.

Any advice that I can share with her is appreciated!

Sincerely,

SingleSassy

 

 

Give online dating a chance!

Admit it.  There are tons of reasons why online dating isn’t easy.  It takes commitment (often described like having a second job!), money (OkCupid and Plenty of Fish can be sketchy at times), and a thick skin (takes heart to ignore the foot fetishists and jaded serial daters).

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But, in a recent article on the Huffington Post, author Francesca Hogi reminds of why online dating can be beneficial. I love how she states that it can help you learn how to flirt.  In my last post, I mentioned that I’m working with a few clients who are returning to the dating world after many years of marriage.  Unless they had a wandering eye, I can only imagine that having to flirt again is a challenge.  I found this great post on the AARP dating site (which links to “perfectmatch.com”) that gives seasoned adults some tips in flirting with the opposite sex! 

Hogi also points out that online dating might break some of your patterns in dating the same type of man (or woman, for that matter).  Do you always find yourself attracted to the same unavailable type?  One great feature about online dating is that you can specify your interests and do a search.  I personally encourage my clients and students to expand the search beyond what they typically think is “their type.”  For example, if I hadn’t expanded my geographic search when I was using eharmony a few years back, I never would have met that grey guy who lived in New Hampshire.  If you like road trips, then a little distance isn’t an issue.  (Thought I will say currently dating someone who lives 3 miles away is a blessing!).

I want to encourage all of you to give online dating a try.

 

 

 

Coming to Peace with Oneself

I’ve been writing this blog for nearly two years, and for the most part, it’s been a tongue in cheek “mockumentary” if you will of online dating, with my own dating life as the central character.

People have asked me time and time again: “What will you do when you meet someone special?” “Will you continue to write if you’re not single?”

I always responded “Of Course” even though the reality is, I have had no clue.  So I’ve alluded to meeting someone recently and so far, it’s going well, but I also want to keep it private and close to me, so that I don’t jinx it or mess it up or say something wrong here on my blog. It’s self-preservation, I think, that you don’t want to ruin what appears to be a good thing. So, I’ll just say that I’m happy to have met someone special who I feel blessed to have in my life.

courageThis, I believe, is the perfect launching point for me to help others in their search for romance and companionship. In my last adventure in teaching “Writing Your Online Dating Profile,” I had 3 students in my class who were either divorced or widowed, and they were ready to start a new chapter in their life as they dive back into the dating pool. I give them so much credit for being brave and rejoining the world of dating after having had many years of love in their lives. Can you imagine starting anew after 35 years of marriage? I admire them for their courage and hope they find love the second time around.

I’ve spent a lot of time lately reviewing online dating profiles of friends and acquaintances, and find so much satisfaction in editing them because having some small part in another person finding love is invigorating.

I’ve often clung to the theory that if you don’t love yourself, then you’re not ready to love another or for another to love you. You have to be at peace with yourself in order to welcome someone else into the fold. One of my clients told me she is just not “in the mood” to do online dating right now, and we’ve officially called off our search for her for now. I can respect that, as I’ve been there before myself. You have to be in the right mindset, I think, to meet someone.

7caMAd4giFor me, I can say that I’ve come to a certain peace of mind when it comes to evaluating myself and, frankly, I’ve stopped beating myself up for the stupid things I say or the uncertainty I’ve felt in certain situations. People aren’t perfect, and at some point, you have to come to terms with this (says the perfectionist).

Coming to peace with oneself is a beautiful thing. You should try it sometime.

The Staycation

downloadThere are so many reasons why taking a vacation is crucial to your personal well being.  There have even been endless articles promoting this notion.  In this article from Inc Magazine, one is encouraged to take a vacation even if you don’t have money to do so.  About.com focuses on the stress we endure and how a vacation can help us avoid work burnout, keep us healthy with a “recharge,” and ultimately, make us better at our jobs because we come back to work feeling energized and often more focused.

Last week, I took my first “staycation.”  According to wikipedia, the term was first coined in 2005 on TV.  It later gained popularity in 2008 during our economic dip when people began staying home during vacations due to lack of disposable income.  It became an official dictionary word in 2009.

People who know me were puzzled about my choice of vacation destination: namely, my couch.  In the past – if you’re a regular blog reader, you can infer this quickly – I’ve taken some extravagant vacations, such as 10-day cruises around Europe or singles trips to Costa Rica.  “Why are you staying home?” many asked.

The answer was simple.  While I knew I needed to recharge my battery, so to speak, I also knew that I didn’t have a spare $2000 lying around for a summer holiday.  So, I chose a week in August to remove myself from work and stay home.  It was a fabulous, reflective experience.  Spending a week with yourself can be daunting to some, but as someone pointed out to me, “It’s a great thing that you’re choosing to spend time with yourself.”

imagesNow, don’t get me wrong, I socialized.  I went out a few times with the wonderful guy I’ve been dating.  I joined my college friend at the sprinkler park and watched her nearly 2-year-old run around with delight. I caught up with my mom on the phone.  I even taught my “Writing your Online Dating Profile” class.  But I spent a lot of time in my pajamas, sleeping and watching Dexter on Netflix (I’m currently on season 5!), and even caught the 3-hour movie “Boyhood” in the middle of the day.

It was a wonderful experience.  While vacations in Europe are amazing, it’s also very rewarding to just take a week off and hang out at home.

Next time you’re wondering where to spend your vacation, consider your own home and community.

 

Who finishes first – nice girls or guys?

nice-guyMy friend Alex recently sent me a link to this article from Fox news.  Admittedly, I probably wouldn’t have found it myself since I’m not a consumer of Fox news, like him, but I cannot stop thinking about what I read and how it makes so much sense to me.

The article, if you click on the link above, is about men and female responses during dating, and how they differ.  It states:

Men are sexually attracted to women who show an interest in them or who are responsive during a date, the study found. On the flip side, women are not sexually interested in the responsive men they meet for the first time, the research also discovered.

That makes complete sense to me.  I can usually tell when a guy is interested in me on a date because he’ll be physical with me.  I’m not necessarily talking about macking on me or grabbing a boob, but I’m talking more about a touch to the shoulder or a slight hand on the leg if you sit next to each other.  On the other hand, I may be a bit more standoffish on a first date, as the study suggests, because I’m taking my time to decide if there is a connection.  While I may be immediately physically attracted to someone, sometime’s the chemistry isn’t there.  Or, in other circumstances, the physical attraction doesn’t jump out right away, but as I talk to someone, I might start seeing him as a potential mate.

Men who perceive women to be interested in them rated the women as more feminine and sexually attractive. They also showed more interest in having long-term relationships with the responsive women than with the nonresponsive women.

Fascinating, huh?  I mean, it sounds like common sense, but it’s interesting that if a man thinks you’re also interested in him, then he thinks your hotter than you may actually be!

Do nice guys finish last?  Nice girls finish first?  Who knows!  But, it does open my eyes to some recent dates I’ve had and hopefully will have in the future.

The Reunion: Booze Cruises, Party Buses from Tewksbury, and Public Romance

It’s Monday evening and I’m desperately trying to hold onto the great memories of the weekend.  The Singles Cruise reunion was a blast!  I popped in and out of the reunion since I had to do regular life stuff, like go to the eye doctor and mail a FedEx package.  But I met up with everyone on Friday night at a bar in Boston, and had a really fun time reconnecting with old friends and meeting new ones.  Always a good time with the Cruisers.

boozecruisebostonSaturday night was the Booze Cruise.  We sailed around Boston Harbor on a party boat, chock full of cash bars and cover bands.  Our group made up about 50% of the people on the boat, and the others were a mix of local Bostonians who had taken a party bus from Tewksbury.  Many of them were “friends of the band.”  All of them were drunk.  I can only imagine how much beers was on that party bus!

Early on the cruise, I met a guy who was chatting me and a few other ladies up.  No biggie.  He was a local guy, friends with the band, and looking for a little romance.  Or so I thought?  We’ll come back to this guy – we’ll call him Sam – in a moment.

Meanwhile, I had a few beers and then moved towards the back to get away from the crowds.photo-65My hair was apparently blowing in the wind and caught the attention of a guy named Charlie.  We chatted for the remainder of the cruise – he was quite intoxicated – and I pretty much heard his life story.  He asked me for my “numba” – Boston accent – and for a kiss.  I gave him my digits, but declined the latter, since I’m not into PDA, but it was flattering all the same.

While I was chatting with Charlie, my friend pulled me aside to “show me something.”  I thought she was trying to get me away from Charlie, but then I realized she was showing me something quite interesting.  Remember Sam?  He was leaning against one of the women from our group, who was pressed against the railing, having – how shall I say this? – ahem – intercourse.  Yep, he found his romance!  They were having public sex.

The wonder’s never cease.

I miss the Cruisers already!

P.S.  Had my date on Sunday.  He was a total sweetheart.

 

 

 

The Weekend: Singles Cruisers and Dating

heartFirst of all, welcome and hello to my new readers, subscribers, and twitter followers!  It’s an honor and a privilege to have you reading my blog.

Lots of fun things coming up to share with you!

This weekend is the unofficial Annual Boston Singles Cruise Reunion.  Severalheart2 hundred people who frequent singles cruises (to learn more about them, click here and here!) are all gathering in Boston for the weekend to celebrate, hang out, and tour the city.  Fortunately, I live here so I’m ready to welcome them with open arms.  I’m very excited because one of my Floridian friends is coming in for the weekend (yay!) and we’ll get a chance to catch up.  I always end up having a good time with the Singles Cruisers….they’re a fun bunch who don’t take life too seriously and know how to rock it!

3bcea7f90ac0c76083d3be70a80e4877And then, I just wanted to let you all know that amongst all my bitching about the lack of gentlemen out there – and their constant interest in texting, etc – I’ve found a nice guy!  We haven’t gone out yet, but we have plans on Sunday.  Our communication has been really nice, easy going, and he even corrected himself on a typo (a man after my own heart!).  Whether it works out or not on our date, I’m thrilled to have found someone who has good manners and hopefully good social grace.  Ciao for now!

 

#ThrowbackThursday: Ready for Love

Reposting from June 2013

ALL ROADS LEAD TO ROAM

You know when your heart and head are ready for love?

Yep, you know that feeling.

Everything is right in the world and you’re just missing that one great thing: true love.

In the spirit of all things girly and cheesy, here are some  mushy videos to make your tears jerk and your heart skip a beat.  Go grab your Puffs Plush, a snuggly blanket, and settle in. Hint:  The last one’s a sex scene.  You’re welcome.

First Kiss and Innocence

Marriage Proposal in Vegas (Trust me, you’ll cry at the end!)

Arguably, my favorite love scene of any movie: The Scarlet Letter

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“I hope you’re working with children because you’re a kind lady.”

Remember this guy?  The one who hoped I wasn’t married?  He had called me last January on a Friday morning, I happened to answer my cell – thinking it was a work call, and it was this gentle voice on the other line.  Well, about 6 months later, he called again.  This time, I missed his call and he left a voicemail today.  I wish I could play it for all of you.  It went on for about 2 minutes, with about 45 seconds of it recording his “ums” and “uhs.”  In between the stumbling, he reminded me where we met and that we had, in fact, had gone out for coffee once, and that he would like to connect again for networking opportunities.

While he did, again, mention that he didn’t know if I was “married with children,” he said if I was, “perhaps, not married with children” that he hoped I was “working with children because I was such a kind lady.”

It’s funny because I don’t have children and I’m not married, but I do technically work with children (well, I fundraise for them and I babysit for them when their parents go to see Billy Joel at Fenway…I digress….).

He left his number and then repeated it.

I played it for one person and she thought he sounded coached.  I have a feeling he may be part of a program or lives in a facility, and I may be one of the contacts on his list who he is supposed to reach out to every 6 months.

He really is a gentle soul, but I’m going to have to pass this time on meeting up with him.  I do wish him all the best!

Fire! Will this app be a game changer for women?

Screen Shot 2014-07-08 at 10.03.53 PMThere’s a new dating app geared towards the safety of women called Wyldfire, featured in NY Mag.  It’s meant to counteract all of the nasty pix of dix we get, the “Wanna f&%$?” emails, and the general gross Tinder sleezoids out there.  This app allows women to join freely, but men have to be invited by invitation.  This assumes they’ve been vetted.

The article asks the question, though, “How many men do we have in our life that we deem datable by others?”

I could see myself recommending quite a few people.  I have a lot of wonderful guy friends and frankly, have remained friends with guys I went out with a couple of times – no spark for romance – but would be happy to set them up if they were open to it.

I’m not confident the concept of this app will work, but it frankly beats those man-hating websites where women post stories of bad dates to shun guys.  It’s one thing if someone is a sociopath, stealing women’s money from state to state, and you later see him featured on 20/20, but it’s another to ruin a reputation simply because you weren’t a match.

Screen Shot 2014-07-08 at 10.04.07 PMI just signed up for a spot as one of the first Wyldfire users.  We’ll see how it goes!  I will be happy to see the fall of Tinder, especially after hearing that the male leadership “allegedly” sexually harassed the female marketing director.  Phooey.

 

Summer Lovin’

grease_lIt’s July 7th and love is in the air!  No, really, the summer is the perfect time to fall in love.  There aren’t those jokes about summer flings for nothing!  The weather is warm – it’s the perfect time to stroll around in strappy sandals and summery dresses, arm in arm with your special someone.

It’s enough to make you barf, isn’t it?

But seriously, this is a great time to date!  There are so many opportunities to meet people.  I have been invited to so many BBQs, singles parties/weekends, mixers, you name it!  This is the time to meet someone special, right?  As I said to my coworker today when I told her about a singles event I’m going to this weekend (and I made a face as a described it!), “you’re not going to meet someone sitting on your butt watching Netflix.”  Ok, so you could technically meet someone watching Netflix while surfing Match.com or OkCupid, but you do have to actually GET OFF OF the couch to meet him or her!

I’m not going to get sucked into the vortex of my couch this summer!  I’m 39, cute, smart, fun, and flirty!  There is no reason for me to be a single woman if I don’t want to be, right?  Right!

Now that I’m done with my pep talk….it’s time to go plan my outfit!

Jimmy-Choo-Strappy-Sandals-253x235

P.S.  I decided if we were going for strappy sandals, we might as well go for the Jimmy Choos!

Steven’s Coming Out Party

891398_1430057067274292_1264976377_aThis past Saturday I experienced my very first “Coming Out” party!  My friend Steven (who recently came out to his family and friends) decided to have a formal party to embrace coming out as gay man living in New York City.  He invited me at least 6 months ago, stating that he wanted to have this party during Gay Pride Weekend.  Of course I’d be there, I told him.

10483611_329351443888270_1354815359_aAround 9pm on Saturday, I hopped in a cab to Boxers, a gay sports bar in NYC.  I got there earlier than most of the others attending the event, but quickly bonded with two of Steven’s friends, Michael and Mike, who he met during a gay volleyball league.

Michael and Mike were fabulous and gentlemen, possessing true social grace, getting me a chair, accompanying me on line to get drinks, and making me feel very welcome in a room full of strangers.  They were terrific and are already Facebook friends!  What I learned from them is that gay or straight, people are people, especially when you’re single.  Michael and I had some extensive and great conversations about what we are looking for in a relationship, and I have to tell you – they were really the exact same things – love, companionship, romance, etc.  We both agreed that no matter what your sexual preference was, it all came down to finding a decent person who treated you with respect.  We said that it is easy to find a sexual partner, but we want more than that.

I had a great time at Steven’s party at Boxers!  It was a blast – people were friendly, down to earth, and fun.  I’m proud of Steven and wish him a lifetime of happiness.  I can already see him transforming into the happy person I knew he could be.  Mazel Tov, Steven!

Social Grace

Social Grace. I’ve been using this phrase a lot lately in a variety of conversations and have come to realize that it has become my standard of evaluation for worthiness for an individual. It’s simple now for me. Whenever someone asks me, now, what I’m looking for in a spouse, friend, colleague, I can state this: He/she must possess “social grace.”

The problem here is defining social grace in a simple definition. I’m not sure you can. Do you know what a “mensch” is? Mensch’s possess social grace. Don’t know what the heck I’m talking about?

mensch

Here are some general, non-specific examples of social grace (some loosely based on people I know with “social grace” galore!)

  • You’re in the middle of chemotherapy for breast cancer. You’re feeling ok – could be better – but in decent spirits, considering. Suddenly, your dear friend has emergency surgery and is stuck at home while she recuperates. While you know you are immune compromised and shouldn’t be near her cat litter box, you still go over her house for a visit because you know it’ll mean a lot to your friend (and frankly, to you). Since you can’t clean out her cat’s litter box, you send your husband over to do it!
  • You are sick and you have plans with someone. You unfortunately have to cancel them, you apologize and ask to reschedule at a later date. The person responds about the inconvenience to their day and doesn’t consider your illness. Their first thought is about the inconvenience to them versus your most-likely shitty day ahead. If this person had social grace, they might wish you well and even offer to bring you chicken soup to make you feel better!
  • A member of your religious organization’s husband is very ill. You and your husband start visiting the woman and her husband regularly, including taking him to doctor’s appointments. Sadly, the man passes away, but you continue to invite her to events. It’s been six months and you still invite her to events. She is not forgotten. Social grace in a nutshell.
  • You walk into a building and notice, casually, that there are people behind you.  As you open the door, you glance behind you to make sure that you’re not smacking the door closed in someone’s face.  Oh, wow, someone is coming in right behind you!  You hold the door open for him.  Then, you both walk into the elevator.  You press 4, which is your floor.  You ask him, “What floor?”  He responds and you press the “3” button.  Just as the elevator is about to close, you notice someone racing to get in.  You quickly stumble for the “door open” button and the doors open to a very grateful person.  Ok, so you’re – what? – about 30 seconds behind schedule now?  No biggie, and you’ve made things just a little bit easier for 2 other people.

'I wish you wouldn't do that.'When you start noticing individuals with social grace in your life, you sadly also start to notice those who don’t possess it. The people who make empty promises, the narcissists who don’t care about you, and the self-absorbed who are only out for themselves. You see it with dating all the time. People who aren’t invested in you as an individual, but rather see you as a conquest or another notch in their belt. The noncommittal individuals who don’t want to take the time to get to know you. Or, even worse, those who are quick to judge based on what they think they know about you. They may think they know you, but they are just seeing a tiny sliver.  They’re the person who presses the “door close” button when they see you running for the elevator.

I’m so disappointed when I encounter individuals who are missing the social grace gene. They only see life through their “black and white” lens, and sadly, don’t take the time to grace others with charm.

People with bad manners, to me, lack social grace. The other night I was getting 85975some yummy frozen yogurt with a friend and encountered a family lacking the social grace gene. It was one of those frozen yogurt places where you can serve yourself 10 different flavors, pour on oodles of toppings, and then weigh it for your price. I was literally in the middle of pouring out some cake batter flavorered froyo when this little kiddo – not more than 4 years old – shoved himself in front of me and attempted to push me away from the spout. Granted, he was a little one, but it IS possible to have learned some manners by the age of 4! Then I witnessed his father – certainly around my age – do nearly the same thing to someone else, and I saw where his lack of manners came from. He wasn’t at fault. No one taught him the skills to be a good little boy. Instead, he was a pushy little brat. And so was his older brother. I wanted to send him a link to this.

But, I think social grace isn’t something that can be taught. You either have it or you don’t. But if you don’t have it, you can probably at least fake having it.

If you’re reading this and you’re scratching your head, thinking, what’s this crazy bitch talking about? Then, I’m afraid, you ain’t got it.

If you’re nodding along, then well done!

 

 

Pardon Our Dust

SingleSassy.com is getting a makeover!  Please pardon the interruptions as I make some cosmetic adjustments to the blog’s appearance.  I hope it looks beautiful when it is done!

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Integrated Fundraising = Integrated Dating

UnknownIntegrated what?

It is, in fact, a reference to a conference presentation I did in 2011 called “Integrated Fundraising.” I have mentioned before that I’m a fundraiser by profession – I raise money for a non-profit organization outside of Boston that educates children with special needs.

In any case, a few years ago, I did a presentation on the importance of integrated fundraising.  What the heck is that, you ask? Well, it emphasizes the need to fundraise for your annual campaign through multiple channels – you don’t want to rely on just sending your donors something in the mail, but you also want to send them a solicitation via email and you also want to make phone calls encouraging them to give.  According to data by various nifty organizations, it is proven that someone might hear about your organization online – say, though social media – but then end up sending you a check in the mail.

I’ve realized that I need to take the same approach with dating.  Integrated dating.

My point is that I cannot depend on just one channel of dating in order to meet someone.  In fundraising, you ultimately only end up with one donation from someone, and with dating, you ultimately want to end up with one person.  But it doesn’t make sense to just use online dating to meet someone.  You might up end one of the lucky few who finds someone, but if you’re like me, it hasn’t worked out, so you need to try many different strategies before the right one works.

So what other methods of fundraising – ahem, dating – should we use in our campaign – ahem – dating plan?

Well, there’s speed dating.  The plus – you get to meet people in person and like online dating, you get to meet several people at once.  The minus – it’s very impersonal, in many respects.

There’s old fashioned set-ups.  When I used to be a volunteer manager, I was set up quite often by my volunteers who thought they knew the perfect man for me.

And there’s professional matchmakers, like LunchDates and It’s Just Lunch.

And of course, bars, sporting events, parties, social events, etc are a nice organic way to meet someone.

My point?  Try multiple channels of dating – not just online dating – and you expand your odds of meeting someone!

P.S.  I want to sincerely apologize for my last few posts that have been focused fundraising.  I have been in the midst of my end of fiscal year campaign and preoccupied on meeting our goals, and have not been balancing my social life very well lately.  Hence, my lack of good topics for the blog.

P.P.S.  I am going to NYC this weekend to my friend’s “coming out” party so I hope that will give me some more insightful material than comparing dating to fundraising.

P.P.P.S.  I need a life, obviously. My colleagues and I have also determined I’ve lost my sense of humor. Please, will someone set me up on a date soon?  It’s dire.

P.P.P.S.  Giggle.  Sigh.

P.P.P.P.S.  I dedicate this post to Joanna & Brad because surely Joanna is the only person who will laugh at this post.

Back on Match!

I’ve been dilly-dallying for a while and finally had an hour tonight to create a brand new match.com profile!  Started fresh – new email account and everything!

But I’m testing something out.  I used an uncanny amount of magic words in my profile: the top 10 words that seem to attract the most amount of men.  Let’s see if it works!  I mean, obviously, it only takes one….but hopefully moving away from the free sites like Ok Cupid (which really makes me giggle) and onto the paid sites like Match (where I’ve met two of my previous boyfriends) will be a success.

Let’s the good times roll. I’ll keep you posted here on SS.com!

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“I Don’t Bite” and Other Pick Up Lines from Topless Men

d16c740ea6b451eaadbb4a998c4c9e90ffOh Ok Cupid.  You never fail me.

Today’s highlights include….

A 28-year-old man with a 10% match whose photo shows him topless with man-boobs.  He writes to me, “You can look…no touching though lol jk” with a follow up that reads “I don’t bite lol.”

Sigh.  Next.

Last week’s topless man, aged 29, and with a rather attractive top, but not so attractive face writes:

“hi”

Ah, my favorite pick up line.  So thoughtful and original.

Then he quickly followed up by:

“Ur sexy.”

Why, thank you, ugly-faced sexy topless man.

And then the clincher:

“I wanna please u.”

Listen, man, who doesn’t?

And these are two of the many reasons why I don’t remove my profile from this website.  It’s so fun.

More later!

Cha-Ching!

I just read this interesting article from Forbes about salaries and dating: To share how much you make or keep it a secret: that is the question!  There’s always a place on an online dating profile to share your salary information, but it is often a range, and there is usually a place to say “I’d prefer not to say.”  This article states that if you don’t cough up the goods, then you get less of a response.  It also says that people tend to inflate the size of their salary to make them sound better.

A few months back, I received an email online from a rather attractive 30-something and I didn’t look closely at his profile details, so I responded quickly with a “hello.”  Later, after a quick exchange of messages, I noticed that his profile stated that he made less than $20,000.  Listen, I live just outside of Boston, MA.  You cannot live on that here.  So I flat out asked him.  “How do you live in Boston on that salary?”

385-8442-_Warhol-_Dollar_SignHe responded that he lived in Rhode Island and he made it work.  But honestly, how was he going to raise a family on that salary?

I sheepishly stopped writing.  I know, it was shallow, but the reality is: I haven’t made a salary that low since the late 1990s.  And I don’t want to have to support him and me.

Is it wrong for me to want to find someone who makes more money?  My friends tell me that in my profession, I may be the bread winner.  While I do work in the nonprofit world, I work in one of the more lucrative parts of it – fundraising – and it pays decently.  It afforded me to buy my own home – thought it’s a struggle on my own – and it would be darned nice to have a two income family.

At this juncture, it’s all heresy and fantasy, as you don’t know what life has in store.  I could  lose my job, he could lose his job, and then it is all moot, really.

Then there’s the whole – do you love what you do? Do you live to work or work to live?  Do you fall in love with an artist who may not make a lot but he cherishes his work and life?  Really, what ends up being most valuable?

So, at this point, I struggle with my thoughts on the subject but I usually try to answer honestly on my online dating profiles about my salary range.  I don’t inflate it and I don’t lower it.  I do admit that I find salaries that are comparable or higher more appealing, but mostly because it makes me feel as thought we’re in the same tax bracket and level of skill.

What are your thoughts on this?

P.S.  My ex-boyfriend asked me my credit score on the same night we met.  Go figure!

Win a spot in the “Get Snatched Dating Class!”

Single ladies, rejoice!  The Single Ladies Cafe is offering a 4-week course to find the one and you have an opportunity to win a spot in the class, courtesy of SingleSassy and The Single Ladies Cafe!  The class is valued at $149, so this is a fabulous opportunity to work on yourself and save a little cash at the same time.  You also receive a copy of Miss SC’s dating guide download: “Get Snatched! 8 Credible Tips to Land a 2nd Date.”
Here’s the scoop on the class:
Miss SC, your trusty leader, designed this class for single women who are looking for a fresh perspective on dating.  She will address the red flags that come up when you’re on a date and how to avoid them….and to leave those “ugly toads” in the dust!
In the course, you will receive:

• Live interactive lessons via teleconference call
• 24/7 access to the lessons in the private Facebook group
• A 30 minute one-on-one call
• Guest speaker
• A personal follow-up six weeks after the course is completed

The class begins on July 1st and paid registration closes on June 20th.  We’ll pick our winner on July 27th.  How do you enter to win?  Just make a comment below about why you should win and we’ll pick a winner at random!

Can’t wait to see if you won? Register for the class (and learn more) here:  https://www.facebook.com/events/659206400833823/

single ladies cafe

Chivalry, where are you?

I’ve written in the past about the death of chivalry and most recently, I chimed in about the horrendous patterns I see in online dating – and I can’t figure out how to break the cycle.  It happened in again.

I found a nice guy online.  We exchanged pleasantries.  He drops his phone number into an email and suggest we “text.”  So, then what?  We enter into the infamous text relationship that either 1) never goes anywhere or 2) shows me he’s a dud.

UnknownI don’t mean to harp on my college boyfriend – that was about 20 years ago – but the dude brought flowers to my dorm room on regular basis. I have several graduate degrees, I own my home, I make a good salary, plus I’m loving and passionate.  I don’t deserve a text or email relationship.  I deserve to be treated on a date somewhere nicer than Dunkin Donuts.  Flowers can be an inexpensive but effective way to win me over!

And if anyone has a problem with this, then, (pardon my French), fuck him!  Seriously, I lead a very fulfilling life and will only invite a man in if he is going to make my life better.  And if he thinks a relationship via text or over a donut is better…well….then he needs to find a girl who has lower standards.

Listen, my point is this – there is no reason to lower my standards or aim for loser just because I’m 39.  Or plus sized.  Or single.  I do not want to be a statistic.

I will get off my soap box now.  But be prepared, readers.  If anyone guy gives me his number to text after exchanging two emails, I’m going to scream! images

Step outside the box.  Let’s choose the path towards adventure, future man in my life!

 

Drinking Games in Maine

This past weekend I spent a Girl’s Weekend in Maine with four lovely ladies.  It had been a long time coming – we had been planning it since we went last summer! – and it was a welcome break from the heavy workloads that we’ve all been carrying lately.

photo 1There’s something to be said for a weekend away at a cabin in the woods on a lake with the girls.  It was relaxing, low key, and just plain fun.

We played drinking games – I participated in the game of “I never” but when we got to the card game, “Asshole,” I sat by as the observer.  But, to join in, I sipped my wine whenever they drank.  Eventually I stopped and was able to be the designated driver for the next round of booze.  It’s so funny, because if it was 10 or 15 years ago, I’d have been right up in there with the drinks and card games, but at the age of 39, I’m just content with sipping my wine and looking on.

photo 5

That’s not to say I didn’t taste this concoction.  Have you heard of this sweet drink from the makers of Budweiser?  It’s carbonated and rather disgusting.  Beer, lime, strawberry.  But I’m glad I tried it!

We grilled.  We laughed.  We talked about anything and everything.  I think the best part, for me, was to be with 4 other single women.  Most of my friends are married or seriously dating, so it was nice to be amongst other single women.

Thanks, ladies, for a fun weekend!

 

Dry spell

I have not had a date in months.

Months.

Maybe it’ll be more dramatic if I say it in all caps:

MONTHS.

Why, you ask?  I’m single, I’m sassy.

SonHouse_DrySpellBluesI’ve just felt completely unmotivated to date.  For an extended period of time, I was dealing with a serious personal issue that brought my self-esteem way, way down low and only recently have I been able to bring it back up.

So, would you want to date a depressed person who felt like she was worth very little?

Neither would I.

It’s taken a lot of personal strength and growth to get back to my usual place of self worth and confidence, and I’m almost fully back!

I’m not eager to jump back into the world of online dating.   It’s such a pattern with me.  A guy looks at my profile and sends me a very blasé message that usually says “hi” or “how are you?”  And then he proceeds to try to engage me in a very uninteresting conversation. Or, he wants my phone number so he can begin texting me incessantly.  Yawn.  It never goes anywhere and I lose interest so quickly.  (This is why I teach a class on this stuff, ladies and gentleman, to help break these cycles!)

1281139535889_9723689How else am I going to meet guys?  I’ve tried everything.  I’m a loss now.  I told my therapist that I’ve given up home on ever meeting someone.  She, fortunately, has not given up hope and has assured me that she has ideas in store.

Trying hard to find a nugget of hope.

On the other hand, there are a lot of wonderful elements in my life.  I love my freedom, independence, and spontaneity.  Still, I have 6 chairs around my dining room table.  Let’s try to fill at least 2 of them every night!

 

The Magic Words

In a recent study posted in an online article in Uptown Magazine by Natali Rivers, there are several words that bode well for attracting the opposite sex when writing your online dating profile.  The13793082-online-dating-knop-met-hartvormige-gesprek-wolk-op-het-toetsenbord study was conducted by scientists using 12,000 profiles on eharmony.co.uk.

 

So, what are the magic words?

 

Women tend to get more responses from men if they use the following words:

  • Sweet
  • Ambitious
  • Thoughtful
  • Spontaneous
  • Physically fit
  • Funny
  • Outgoing
  • Optimistic
  • Hard working
  • Passionate

Men tend to get more responses from women if they use these words:

  • Physically fit
  • Ambitious
  • Perceptive
  • Passionate
  • Optimistic
  • Funny
  • Spontaneous
  • Thoughtful
  • Affectionate
  • Outgoing