Dry spell

I have not had a date in months.

Months.

Maybe it’ll be more dramatic if I say it in all caps:

MONTHS.

Why, you ask?  I’m single, I’m sassy.

SonHouse_DrySpellBluesI’ve just felt completely unmotivated to date.  For an extended period of time, I was dealing with a serious personal issue that brought my self-esteem way, way down low and only recently have I been able to bring it back up.

So, would you want to date a depressed person who felt like she was worth very little?

Neither would I.

It’s taken a lot of personal strength and growth to get back to my usual place of self worth and confidence, and I’m almost fully back!

I’m not eager to jump back into the world of online dating.   It’s such a pattern with me.  A guy looks at my profile and sends me a very blasé message that usually says “hi” or “how are you?”  And then he proceeds to try to engage me in a very uninteresting conversation. Or, he wants my phone number so he can begin texting me incessantly.  Yawn.  It never goes anywhere and I lose interest so quickly.  (This is why I teach a class on this stuff, ladies and gentleman, to help break these cycles!)

1281139535889_9723689How else am I going to meet guys?  I’ve tried everything.  I’m a loss now.  I told my therapist that I’ve given up home on ever meeting someone.  She, fortunately, has not given up hope and has assured me that she has ideas in store.

Trying hard to find a nugget of hope.

On the other hand, there are a lot of wonderful elements in my life.  I love my freedom, independence, and spontaneity.  Still, I have 6 chairs around my dining room table.  Let’s try to fill at least 2 of them every night!

 

Get Out of My Way!

I cannot seem to get out of my own way.

While I teach about online dating strangers in a classroom and help my friends polish their profiles, I can’t seem to get over the stumbling block to re-write my own and get back to online dating…or dating in general.

Instead, I play around at night with Tinder and OkCupid, innocently flirting with guys I have no intention of meeting.  It’s easy and not intimidating, because there’s no follow through required.  Click, smile, like, repeat.  Next.  Send a few “hello” messages.  Move on.

Tripping-Hazard-Caution-Sign-S-4413None of this will amount to anything of substance, not even a date.  I even have my friendly flirt who lives down the street and visits my profile every few weeks to say hi.  He flirts tirelessly for a few days, perks up my ego, and then disappears again.  I have my theories that he connects with me in between relationships or when he’s having a fight with his girlfriend.  Either way, it requires little to no commitment on my end.  It’s harmless flirting that will lead to nothing.

But, of course, we know what this all means.  None of this silliness will lead to a meaningful relationship or, frankly, to a date.

Why am I just playing around?

I’m having a series of outside issues that I’m dealing with that mess with my self esteem, and therefore, prevent me from being able to date.  If dating is like job interviewing, imagine trying to go on a series of job interviews when you’re feeling really crummy about yourself.  The innocent flirting is about all my psyche can handle these days.  It’s quite sad, really, because it ends up wasting months of my life when I could be meeting someone special.  What is that stupid saying – if you can’t love yourself, then who will love you?  You  are what you eat?  Something trite like that.  Basically, it just means that when you’re a person like me who wears her heart on her sleeve – and your heart is in need of repair – it’s hard to sell yourself to someone.

I’m stuck in my own way and can’t seem to get out.  It’s like I’m tripping over my own two feet over and over.

How can I get over this hurdle and start dating again?